May 10, 2006

How to celebrate Memorial Day

Hey Patriots! Memorial Day is coming up, and what better way to show your support for the troops --- by eating them!

Some company called Progressive Gifts and Incentives is promoting chocolate bars covered in the Stars and Stripes. From their actual promo e-mail (read: spam):

Dear NAME,

It's unfortunate, but in recent years, Memorial Day has become little more than a watered-down platform for special "sales blowouts" by furniture stores and car dealerships. But it's really meant to be a day of reflection: a day for showing patriotism by remembering the sacrifices of America's veterans.

This year show your employees and new recruits that you are proud to be an American company and always stand behind our troops with:

American Flag Memorial Day Candy

and

"Support America" and "God Bless America" ribbon magnets

It's a simple and much-appreciated way to get everyone into the spirit of remembering what Memorial Day is all about.
Riight.

Memorial Day is all about the food, yo.

What if, in your zeal to consume the chocolaty goodness, you rip the wrapper. Have you desecrated the flag? I don't think flag burning is protected speech under the First Amendment (I'd have to check) ... so is flag ripping protected?

What if the chocolate within is crap? Wouldn't be the first time an inferior product was produced in the name of the troops.

If only Kvatch’s Kommandos, Hilton’s Heroes, and Generik’s Guerrillas came in chocolate. I’d be all over that.

1 comment:

ducklet said...

uh, i don't think you're supposed to eat this candy. i think your supposed to display it in your house's patriot room, on the patriot shrine, right below the cross and just above the framed photo of 'Mission Accomplished.'