Red wine-fueled lament

Oh, blog. How I've neglected you. I'm sorry. I have big, grandiose plans to resurrect you to your G-list status in 2010. I blame Facebook for taking all of my time and energy. And yes, while I admit the attention I received on said social networking site provided me with the short-term validation I needed at the time, I feel like there's nothing that compares with the just-as-superficial-yet-somehow-moreso-deserved validation that comes with all the effort that goes into one blog post.

I find myself at a crossroads with social media. On the one hand, keeping up to speed with the ever-changing world that is social networking and other things of its ilk is crucial, not only to the work that I do, but to my own interests as a semi-(and I use that prefix loosely) savviness with the Internets and all that, but quite frankly, I miss writing. The practice of writing something (no matter how horrible it ends up to be) on a daily basis.

Must figure out how to work this blog back into my regular day-to-day. Be patient with me, oh blog-o-mine.

Not to mention the fact that I just got out of a relationship and could use the mental, cathartic release that comes with putting words to virtual paper.

Bear with me, I promise I'll be back soon.

If I ever get married ...

... we MUST play this game at my bridal shower:



I'm just saying.


Props to Alisa for the link!

eHarmony to allow same-sex matches

Y'all already know I have no love for eHarmony. But this is interesting:

Online dating service eHarmony said Wednesday it will launch a new Web site that caters to same-sex singles as part of a discrimination settlement with New Jersey's Civil Rights Division.

The settlement is the result of a complaint New Jersey resident Eric McKinley filed against the online matchmaker in 2005.

McKinley, 46, said he was shocked when he tried to sign up for the dating site but couldn't get past the first screen because there was no option for men seeking men.

"It's very frustrating and it's very humiliating to think that other people can do it and I can't," he said. "And the only reason I can't is because I'm a gay man. That's very hurtful."

Neither the company nor its founder, Neil Clark Warren, acknowledged any liability.

Under the settlement, eHarmony will pay the New Jersey $50,000 to cover administrative costs and will pay McKinley $5,000.

Ok, fine. McKinley seems to be satisfied with the outcome --- in fact, he called it "fabulous" --- but why not just augment eHarmony as it exists today? I guess you take the small victories whenever you can get them, but I don't really see how this does anything to advance equality.

The new website will be called "Compatible Partners." Yawn.

I mean, she's pretty I guess, but ...

... gorgeous?

NEW YORK (CNN) -- Pakistan's new president called GOP vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin "gorgeous" when the two met in New York on Wednesday.

Palin has been in New York meeting international leaders in town this week for United Nations meetings.

On entering a room filled with several Pakistani officials Wednesday, Palin was immediately greeted by Sherry Rehman, the country's information minister.

"And how does one keep looking that good when one is that busy?" Rehman asked Palin, drawing friendly laughter from the room.

"Oh, thank you," Palin said.

Pakistan's new president, Asif Ali Zardari, entered the room seconds later. Palin rose to shake his hand, saying she was "honored" to meet him.

Zardari then called her "gorgeous" and said: "Now I know why the whole of America is crazy about you."

"You are so nice," Palin said, smiling. "Thank you."

I don't know what offends me more---the sexism, or the fact that Palin is getting her international playa game on while, oh by the way, I'm still single. Also, the crack about how the "whole of America" is crazy about this woman. Fuck that shit.

Somewhere out there, McCain's campaign staffers are falling all over themselves, trying to figure out how they can spin this, to somehow use it as proof that Palin somehow has sufficient foreign policy experience. Or whatever. Because she gave the Pakistani president a boner.


Photo credit: Getty Images via CNN.com

Can I just say?

Is it just me, or is everyone is falling in love with each other all over the fucking place?

Everyone, that is, except me.

It's starting to get on my nerves.

Not that I begrudge these people. Many of them are people whom I love and adore.

But seriously, can a woman get some love up in here?

I'm torn between deciding to be ... how do you say ... indiscriminate (not that even *that* is easy), and trying to get over my cat allergies, because one day, I just might end up one of those old maids who have 8 cats in her apartment.

Hopefully this is just work stress getting to me.

The benefits of taking public transportation

I wonder, if I took the bus to work, whether I'd run into some hot guy on the bus and dance por solea por bulerias with him.

I imagine that it would go something like this:

Match, smatch.

I'm starting to think last week's impulsive move was all a big mistake and am beginning to fear that I am somehow un-dateable.

I am officially crazy.

I don't know what got into me, but I just put up one of those fancy online dating profiles on Chemistry.com.

I've not had great luck in the dating arena, to put it mildly, and my last relationship (if you can even call it that) ended badly. As soon as I hit "enter" after entering my credit card information, a wave of terror rushed through me. I feel vulnerable and scared and am wondering if I can even go through with all of this. Is anyone going to find me attractive? Will I find anyone attractive enough to endure hours of small talk and butterflies in my stomach?

Sexy vs. Pretty

One man's opinion:

For a woman to be sexy in a man's eyes she must possess at least some of these qualities:

1. She must be able to dress classy but provocatively, regardless of her career, and she should care less about what people think...never forgets, she's a woman first.

2. She should take care of herself physically. However, that doesn't mean she has to be a specific body type or weight, it simply implies she can't dress or look lazy.

3. Sexy women walk with a slow and definite confidence...not march or, conversely, slump around.

4. She makes eye contact

5. Her perfume should be present but not over-powering.

6. She can't have a "sour puss" or get up on a soapbox and complain all the time.

7. It's best if her hair is clean and of feminine length.

8. She should be able to hold down a solid conversation and have her own opinions.

9. She should be able to take a joke...even if it's dirty.

10. She should never be on her phone, chewing gum, and laughing like a hyena caught in a bear trap.

I want to say something about why I'm still single here, but I can't even think of anything witty to say at the moment.

Anyway. Talk amongst yourselves.

I beg to differ

But then again, I live in Oakland:

There have been major changes in the rankings this year. The winner: San Francisco, up from fourth place. It ranked first for culture and received high marks for number of singles, nightlife, online dating and cool.

All I'm saying is if you know anyone, hook a sister up.

Gay Bomb

The Pentagon confirmed the existence of an Air Force proposal to create a special type of chemical weapon that would disperse strong aphrodesiacs and hormones that would "cause homosexual behavior."

"The Ohio Air Force lab proposed that a bomb be developed that contained a chemical that would cause enemy soliders to become gay, and to have their units break down because all their soldiers became irresistably attractive to one another," Hammond said after reviwing [sic] the documents.

"The notion was that a chemical that would probably be pleasant in the human body in low quantities could be identified, and by virtue of either breathing or having their skin exposed to this chemical, the notion was that soliders would become gay," explained Hammond.

The Pentagon told CBS 5 that the proposal was made by the Air Force in 1994.

Firstly, do I even have to go into how stupid this is? Just like how you can't pray the gay away, you can't spray some love potion on somebody and >poof< make them gay.

However, some market-savvy inventor should jump on this idea, create a body spray and market it in a way that's similar to Axe that will make the gay menz swoon over each other. On second thought, gay men probably wouldn't buy it. All the ones I know are way more high-end than that, and would probably balk at the idea of buying a cologne from the drug store. But you know, this could be an option for the bois on a budget.

Hey, screw that; how about making one for us single, straight women out here? I can use all the help I can get.

eHarmony sued

Bigotry seriously has no place in this milennium, and I'm glad to hear that someone's finally calling eHarmony on their shit:

A lawsuit alleging discrimination based on sexual orientation was filed in Los Angeles Superior Court on behalf of Linda Carlson, who was denied access to eHarmony because she is gay.

Lawyers bringing the action said they believed it was the first lawsuit of its kind against eHarmony, which has long rankled the gay community with its failure to offer a "men seeking men" or "women seeking women" option.

You know I have no love for eHarmony. I noticed this bullshit years ago, and I'd even take it a step further and say that interracial relationships aren't part of Dr. Neil Warren's idea of what constitutes a harmonious relationship, either.

So what, you say; interracial marriages and gay marriages are two different things.

Are they? Really? It wasn't until the U.S. Supreme Court decided in 1967 in the Loving v. Virginia case that denying two people of different races the right to marry was unconstitutional.

But God says that homosexuality just ain't natural, you say? Well, they tried that whole 'God argument' in the Loving v. Virginia case too. Said the trial judge in the original case against the Lovings:

Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix.

Seriously, he said that.

I understand that the issue of gay marriage isn't something that will go away in the blink of an eye, but I'm glad to see that the fight hasn't ended. This is why I'm in support of gay marriage; just 40 years ago, it would have been illegal for me to marry a white man in the state of Virginia. For what? The color of my skin? For being who I am? For something over which I have no control?

Ain't nobody gonna have any power over me, telling me who I can and can't fall in love with and marry, and vice versa.

If only there was a manual or something

"I'm a babe, a total catch. So why am I alone at 39?"

That's a question this woman asks of Salon's Cary Tennis, writer of their "Since You Asked" column.

I'm about 5 years younger than this woman, but damn it if her story doesn't resonate with single women in their 30's:

I've spent most of my 20s and all of my 30s basically alone.

I'm funny, smart, charming and dynamic. I'm complimented almost daily on my looks, so I know I'm not ugly. Oddly, men smile at and flirt with me all of the time at my job, in bars or on the street, but for some reason, they never ask me out. I've tried to take matters into my hands many times and instigate something with them, but they never take the bait. I usually find out later that they have chosen to pursue someone less attractive and much dumber. I've tried everything I could think of to be appealing and attractive to men without seeming lonely and desperate. Nothing. No one I know can figure out why I'm still alone after all these years.

Cary's answer? Her "perfectness" is what's turning men off; that this veneer of self sufficiency, success, and worldliness is standing in the way of her finding her mate.

Seriously? So men are attracted to fucked-up, needy, basket cases with pretty faces? Are we supposed to play it so that we can find a man to "save" us?

Damned if you do, damned if you don't ...


And don't even tell me to try that eHarmony mess. Been there, blogged that.

My Dead Celebrity Soulmate

I love those internet quizzes that help you find out important things about yourself, like "Which 80's Brat Pack Character/Swingers/Napoleon Dynamite character are you?" or "What kind of kisser are you?"

So when I saw this "Who's your Dead Celebrity Soulmate" quiz from Generik's blog, you just KNOW I had to go for it.

I got Vincent Van Gogh, Rudolph Valentino, and Edgar Allan Poe. Fuckin' trip.



Wanna try? Click here.

Yeah, me too.

I'd like to applaud the genius who created this ad campaign for VISA:


Thanks for the laugh, seriously.

(Ad found on MSN.com.)

How I am Weird

Catherine at Poverty Barn tagged me with this meme, and I am happy to oblige.

I think you're only supposed to list five things, but hell, let's see how many I can come up with tonight:

1. I don't like to watch people cooking my food, especially in restaurants or take-out joints. It seriously grosses me out. Especially if they futz around with my food a lot while it's cooking. Leave that shit alone and let it cook, for the love of Jah.
   
2. I can’t sleep unless my bedroom and closet doors are closed. Otherwise, I get nightmares.
3. Beets freak me out. I refuse to eat them.
4. I do regular belly-button checks, which involve checking for any sort of deposits (if there are, they will be cleaned out with a q-tip and alcohol), and what said deposits smell like. I’m olfactory-focused, what can I say.
5. I have this superhuman ability to freak men out. Or repulse them. I haven't figured out which yet.
   
6. When I buy anything off a shelf (e.g. packaged food/goods, earrings, CDs, clothing), I pick the item from the back, and the packaging needs to be flawless, or I won’t buy it. One reason is very rational (FIFO, so if you grab it from the back, it's fresher). The other is not (I hate bringing home something that everyone and their mother has touched).
7. I obsess over fonts, my AP style guide, and how many spaces go after a period. Oh yeah, and serial commas.
8. It's easy for me to crack myself up. Also, I laugh at almost everything. Even corny shit. I'm Laughy McLaugherstein.
   
9. I have this Imelda Marcos-esque collection of shoes, but end up only wearing about 2-3 pairs on a daily basis.
10. I adore the movie The Silence of the Lambs, and can have entire conversations with my best friend using lines from that movie.
    

So now's the part in the show where I tag five people, so here we go:

• Jonesy, from Jones of the Nile
• E., from Soft Pretzel Love
• Frida, from Frida's Poopin' Spot (tagging a dog should be loads of fun and a blogosphere first, I'm sure)
• Tiffany, from my newest favorite blog, Previously On ...
• Maria, from So Far ...

Anthony Hamilton Sings the Truth

I know he has a newer album out, but I am still obsessed with Anthony Hamilton’s “I’m a Mess,” from 2003’s Comin’ From Where I’m From. And here’s why:

There’s just something about Anthony Hamilton’s voice. Its rough, gravelly quality smoothed out with a bit of molasses betrays a long history of pain, of rough times, of love lost and found. His voice is instantly recognizable: gruff and gritty, yet tender; strong and earthy, with a thin undercurrent of emotional fragility just below the surface. And while the very timbre of his voice is a play on opposites, one thing is for certain: Anthony Hamilton sings the truth, chile.

The song begins with Hamilton’s belting out a loud and soulful “Oh.” But it’s not just any “oh.” Oh no. Immediately, this “oh” hints at the despair, the frustration, and a bit of hopefulness that he’s feeling. And this “oh” leaves you smoldering. Guts wrenched out. Get ready for what’s coming up. Anthony’s got a story to tell you.

He’s split up with his lover, his best friend, his soul mate. Any breakup is painful to some degree, but this particular kind, the kind I like to call the “no call, no show” tactic, has got to be one of the worst:

You could have called, you could have wrote, you could have tried
I’d rather you slit me ‘cross the throat so I can die
Instead of leaving, no explanation as to why
You don't want me no more

Anyone who’s been dumped in this way immediately understands the bewilderment; the betrayal; the endless questioning of self; the indescribable pain. Oh Jah, the crippling pain:

I'm a mess right now, I can't eat, can't sleep
Bills are piling high, ain't worked in three weeks
Ain't bathed, can't shave, ‘cause my heart is so tender like living in a blender
I'm shaken and I'm stirred

Hamilton’s sorrowful pace is relentless. The listeners get no reprieve from the emotional journey he takes you on. In fact, after the second verse and chorus, the backup singers sing the following:

Call me, write me, love me
Come home

You think it’s going to end at two repetitions, but no. It becomes the song’s coda and becomes a seemingly endless pleading for the loved one’s return. It’s an emotional request from the spurned lover whose level of loneliness increases with each increasing octave. Call me. Write me. Love me. Come home.

If you’re a sensitive bitch like me, I dare you to not be able to identify – or to not cry, even – singing along to this part. As the pitch increases, your throat and vocal cords tie themselves into knots – but does your throat hurt because you’re not that great a singer and are having trouble reaching the notes, or is it painful because each repetition brings that all-too-familiar ball in your throat, as if you were holding back the tears? And at the same time the pitch increases, the coda takes you to a deeper level of pain and desperation: This visceral reaction is almost as if it was you, in fact, who was left behind by a lover who disappeared without a trace.

And maybe you really are that person who was left behind, in which case this song becomes an emotional post-breakup catharsis. And maybe through the sorrow in Hamilton's voice, you eventually realize that he will never call. He will never write. He will never love you. And he will never come home.

But you will get through it. Eventually.

Ten Best Cities for Singletons

If you're single and ready to mingle, you might want to consider moving:

1. Denver-Boulder
2. Boston
3. Phoenix
4. San Francisco-Oakland
5. New York
6. Raleigh-Durham
7. Seattle
8. Austin
9. Washington D.C. - Baltimore
10. Miami

It's good to know that I don't necessarily have to move, but The Ways of Dating have me completely baffled to the point of heartache sometimes.

Poor baby.

I've always thought that guys will put up with anything as long as the chick they're with is hot. Yeah, yeah, you say - you're one of the few that doesn't think that way - I've heard it all before. My point is, ugly folk get no love. There are examples of it everywhere. Here's one.

This article in the NY Times illustrates shows how our bias toward attractiveness extends to babies. Cute babies vs. not-so-cute babies. Which is an oxymoron to me, because I have yet to come across an ugly baby. And still, even if the baby was not so cute, how could you hate on that little thing?

Dr. Robert Sternberg, professor of psychology at Yale, asserts that it's not a question of ugly vs. pretty, but more a matter of socioeconomic status, saying that wealthier parents can give better care because they have more resources.

But that doesn't explain how rich people who are ugly continue to exist. Whatever. I don't buy it.

Achtung Wal-Mart Shoppers!

This article was sent to me by some grad school buddies of mine.

On Friday nights, singles looking for romance, mindless flirting or just a new friend head over to their neighborhood Wal-Mart where they're given a big bright red bow to attach to their shopping cart or shopping basket.

Then it's up to the willing participants to approach one another and take it from there.

But if that's too intimidating, Wal-Mart has set up "flirting points" around the stores stacked with "romantic" merchandise, such as chocolates, wine and cheese, to help with that first awkward step.

[...]

Wal-Mart feels so good about the idea that the retailer trademarked the "Singles Shopping" slogan in German and is also testing it in its stores in Puerto Rico, South Korea and Britain.

Someday, it could even pop up in a few of its U.S. stores.

Read more here. Lawd help me please, I pray that I never ever have to go to Wal-Mart to scam on dudes.