Pimpin' Ain't Easy

Hey, look. Another congressman caught in an extramarital affair:

Mark Souder (R-Ind.)

The punchline --- and I use that term loosely since it seems to happen so frequently now that the joke's not funny anymore --- is that Souder is known as a "conservative enforcer" in Congress.

Throughout his time in Congress, Souder made his evangelical Christianity a centerpiece of his public persona. He was known for his outspoken views on religion and his uncompromising conservative positions on social issues such as abortion.

He said after a 2008 hearing on abstinence-only education that the only fully reliable way young people can protect themselves from pregnancy and STDs is by "abstaining from sex until in a committed, faithful relationship."

He and his alleged mistress, Tracy Jackson, made a video (easy tiger, not that kind) together on abstinence education. Oh, the irony.



I just want to state for the record that I don't care what you do in your personal life, except when your entire career is based on espousing a certain way of life that is in direct contrast with the way you live your own. And I find it especially offensive when you have a hand in the legislative process through which you see fit to dictate how the rest of us should live our lives.

Vile. Just vile.

(link)

Drunken Negro Faces

Ted Kefalinos, proprietor of Lafayette French Pastry in NYC's Greenwich Village, says there's nothing offensive about his Drunken Negro Face cookies. You be the judge:



Courtesy of Gothamist.

Spam cracks me up.

I've been out of the office for the last two weeks, and today is my first day back.

Our company e-mail system does this thing where they filter out all your junk e-mails and sends you a daily list of junk e-mail that it's intercepted for you. You can then review the list and unjunk any legit e-mails.

Sometimes, spam still manages to hit my inbox. What's more disturbing, though, is that the sender appears to be my own work e-mail address.

Over the last two weeks, I've received quite a few e-mails with somewhat interesting subject lines. Here's a sample:

• "Stiff, long and hard rod"
• "I'm so thick now she says it hurts"
• "Never be flaccid again"
• "Don't wait to be huge"
• "Proven to work in male subjects"
• "Re: Scarlett [Johansen?] did it for cash"
• "Fit perfectly between her jugs"
• "Women will flock like bees to honey"

And my personal favorite, "With 9 inches everything is possible."

Indeed.

Shop Joe

I thought we'd heard the last from Samuel J. Wurzelbacher. But I was wrong.

Make of it what you will, but later this month a book [Joe the Plumber] co-wrote with relatively unknown author and publisher Thomas N. Tabback, "Fighting for the American Dream," will come out. Thousands of copies have already been pre-ordered at $24.95 each via a star-spangled website (theme: "It's about we the people, not we the government") that also offers Joe-approved merchandise and the ability, for a price, to post to its blog and forum.

[...]

"Fighting for the American Dream" is part biography and part current events, Mr. Tabback said, adding that it gives a behind-the scenes account of Mr. Wurzelbacher's encounter with Mr. Obama and what happened in the weeks that followed. It will also dip into Mr. Wurzelbacher's personal history and his take on American values.

Mr. Tabback said that the site is Mr. Wurzelbacher's new platform to give voice to those that may not have one. "[It] will help galvanize an effort for regular folks in the country to be heard on Capitol Hill and local and state governments," he said.

Joining Joe, for a fee But that will come at a cost. For $19.95, Mr. Wurzelbacher fans can become "Freedom Members" with posting rights on his blog and forum. With membership they also get a monthly newsletter from Mr. Wurzelbacher and 10% off "Shop Joe" merchandise. For that price, they also become "an integral part of an American movement to preserve our American Dream," the site claims, but what that means remains unclear.

Please, Jah. Make it stop.

John McCain's brother is a dumbass.

The GOP: Racist, or clueless?

You decide.

Exhibit A:

Sacramento County Republican leaders Tuesday took down offensive material on their official party Web site that sought to link Sen. Barack Obama to Osama bin Laden and encouraged people to "Waterboard Barack Obama" – material that offended even state GOP leaders.

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, who has pushed the party to try to broaden its appeal, took issue with the site. "In the governor's view, it's completely and totally inappropriate," said Julie Soderlund, a Schwarzenegger spokeswoman.

Hector Barajas, a California Republican Party spokesman, said Democrats have been playing the race card, but that the local party went too far in this instance.

[...]

Taking credit for the site (sacramentorepublicans.org) and its content was county party chairman Craig MacGlashan – husband of Sacramento County Supervisor Roberta MacGlashan.

The Bee asked MacGlashan about the content after seeking his reaction to hate-filled graffiti that was spray-painted over an Obama display on a fence at Fair Oaks Boulevard and Garfield Avenue.

In recent weeks, MacGlashan, an attorney, joined local Democratic party officials in condemning vandalism to political displays.

The vandalism to the Obama display appeared to have been done overnight Monday. A racial epithet, profanity, "KKK" and the words "white power" were clearly visible from the roadway. Six of the nine fence panels were defaced.

"What you are describing to me is not free speech, it's vandalism. We don't condone it," MacGlashan said.

But he defended his Web site. "I'm aware of the content," he said. "Some people find it offensive, others do not. I cannot comment on how people interpret things."

MacGlashan said he would "consider people's complaints" before taking any action.

By Tuesday night, much of the questionable material – which ranged from depicting Obama in a turban to attacking Michelle Obama – had been removed, replaced with political cartoons attacking Obama.

Exhibit B:

The latest newsletter by an Inland Republican women's group depicts Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama surrounded by a watermelon, ribs and a bucket of fried chicken, prompting outrage in political circles.

The October newsletter by the Chaffey Community Republican Women, Federated says if Obama is elected his image will appear on food stamps -- instead of dollar bills like other presidents. The statement is followed by an illustration of "Obama Bucks" -- a phony $10 bill featuring Obama's face on a donkey's body, labeled "United States Food Stamps."

[...]

The group's president, Diane Fedele,
said she plans to send an apology letter to her members and to apologize at the
club's meeting next week. She said she simply wanted to deride a comment Obama
made over the summer about how as an African-American he "doesn't look like all
those other presidents on the dollar bills."

"It was strictly an attempt
to point out the outrageousness of his statement. I really don't want to go into
it any further," Fedele said in a telephone interview Tuesday. "I absolutely
apologize to anyone who was offended. That clearly wasn't my attempt." Fedele
said she got the illustration in a number of chain e-mails and decided to
reprint it for her members in the Trumpeter newsletter because she was offended
that Obama would draw attention to his own race. She declined to say who sent
her the e-mails with the illustration. She said she doesn't think in racist
terms, pointing out she once supported Republican Alan Keyes, an
African-American who previously ran for president.I didn't see it the way that
it's being taken. I never connected," she said. "It was just food to me. It
didn't mean anything else."

She said she also wasn't trying to make a
statement linking Obama and food stamps, although her introductory text to the
illustration connects the two: "Obama talks about all those presidents that got
their names on bills. If elected, what bill would he be on????? Food Stamps,
what else!"

Way to further along civilized discourse about race
relations in America, you fucking morons.

Links courtesy of Political Animal.

UPDATE, 11/2: I tried to fix the wonky formatting of the second batch of block quotes and ended up screwing up the layout further. Sorry!

God, this really pisses me off.

This truly makes me sad [emphasis mine]:

Deep-seated racial misgivings could cost Barack Obama the White House if the election is close, according to an AP-Yahoo News poll that found one-third of white Democrats harbor negative views toward blacks — many calling them "lazy,""violent" or responsible for their own troubles.

The poll, conducted with Stanford University, suggests that the percentage of voters who may turn away from Obama because of his race could easily be larger than the final difference between the candidates in 2004 — about 2.5 percentage points.

While it really upsets me to hear this, I've always maintained that racism and discrimination, unfortunately, is alive and well. Ask any person of color, and they'll agree. And if they don't, they're lucky.

I often wonder what some white people think about people of color---specifically, the things they think inside their heads; the things they don't say out loud. Or the things they only say when there are no other people of color around.

And now I know. But people of color will continue to persevere. We always do.

I know, I know. People will argue that the premise of this survey was flawed, that its method is inherently designed to prevent a broad sample of the population. That not all white people are racist. Like, really, seriously, open-minded without any pretense.

So yes. Not all white people are racist. But, racism and discrimination---from all sides---still exists. Sad, but true. And it frustrates me to no end.

I really don't know the solution, but I hope to see its resolution in my lifetime.

Is that overly optimistic of me?


Props to Catherine at PovertyBarn for the link.

So much for not blogging about politics.

I couldn't help myself.

************

Hey Carly! Nice save! NOT.

Carly Fiorina, a key surrogate for John McCain on economic issues, said on Tuesday that Sarah Palin does not have the experience needed to run a major company like the one that Fiorina formerly headed.

"Do you think [Sarah Palin] has the experience to run a major company, like Hewlett Packard?" asked the host.

"No, I don't," responded Fiorina. "But you know what? That's not what she's running for."

[...]

Fiorina went on MSNBC to defend her comments and decides to double down, arguing that John McCain, Barack Obama, and Joseph Biden couldn't run Hewlett Packard either. The Obama campaign, seeking to compound the fallout of her earlier statement, highlights just the portion where she talks about McCain.

"If John McCain's top economic advisor doesn't think he can run a corporation, how on Earth can he run the largest economy in the world in the midst of a financial crisis? Apparently even the people who run his campaign agree that the economy is an issue John McCain doesn't understand as well as he should," said Obama campaign spokesman Tommy Vietor.

Just sayin'.

(Props to my dawg, Ann, for the link.)


And: This is just fantastic. Just read it in its entirety.

So, when Barack Obama says he will put some lipstick on my pig, I am, like, Are you calling me a pig? If so, thanks! Pigs are the most non-Élite of all barnyard animals. And also, if you put lipstick on my pig, do you know what the difference will be between that pig and a pit bull? I’ll tell you: a pit bull can easily kill a pig. And, as the pig dies, guess what the Hockey Mom is doing? Going to her car, putting on more lipstick, so that, upon returning, finding that pig dead, she once again looks identical to that pit bull, which, staying on mission, the two of them step over the dead pig, looking exactly like twins, except the pit bull is scratching his lower ass with one frantic leg, whereas the Hockey Mom is carrying an extra hockey stick in case Todd breaks his again. But both are going, like, Ha ha, where’s that dumb pig now? Dead, that’s who, and also: not a smidge of lipstick.

A lose-lose for the pig.

There’s a lesson in that, I think.

Also: John McCain helped create the Blackberry? Somewhere out there, Al Gore feels vindicated, and I want to throw mine away.

Are you sure that was a sausage?

BAM!

FRESNO, Calif. — A burglar who broke into a home just east of Fresno rubbed spices over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms and then used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man on the face and head before running out of the house, police said.

[...]

The victims, both farmworkers, told deputies they were awakened by a stranger applying spices to one of them and striking the other with a sausage.

If you were a burglar, and your burgle victims were ALREADY SLEEPING, why would you wake them up by rubbing spices on their face?


Props to Bellamomo for the link.

Actually, it may, in fact, be a moth.

I'd love to hear what he was hearing on his earpiece.



Props to Swifty for the link.

Rachel Ray, Terrorist Supporter

Look. I make no secret about my disdain for Rachel "EVOO" Ray. But COME THE FUCK ON, people:

Does Dunkin' Donuts really think its customers could mistake Rachael Ray for a terrorist sympathizer? The Canton-based company has abruptly canceled an ad in which the domestic diva wears a scarf that looks like a keffiyeh, a traditional headdress worn by Arab men. Some observers, including ultra-conservative Fox News commentator Michelle Malkin, were so incensed by the ad that there was even talk of a Dunkin' Donuts boycott.

"The keffiyeh, for the clueless, is the traditional scarf of Arab men that has come to symbolize murderous Palestinian jihad," Malkin yowls in her syndicated column. "Popularized by Yasser Arafat and a regular adornment of Muslim terrorists appearing in beheading and hostage-taking videos, the apparel has been mainstreamed by both ignorant and not-so-ignorant fashion designers, celebrities, and left-wing icons."

The company at first pooh-poohed the complaints, claiming the black-and-white wrap was not a keffiyeh. But the right-wing drumbeat on the blogosphere continued and by yesterday, Dunkin' Donuts decided it'd be easier just to yank the ad. Said the suits in a statement:

"In a recent online ad, Rachael Ray is wearing a black-and-white silk scarf with a paisley design. It was selected by her stylist for the advertising shoot. Absolutely no symbolism was intended. However, given the possibility of misperception, we are no longer using the commercial."

So what was the fashion faux pas that sent Michelle Malkin and those of her ilk in a tizzy? Behold:



I grow weary of all this hysterical, over-the-top jingoism. Next thing you know, these people will be clamoring for flag-pin-wearing checkpoints set up all over the nation.

(Photo credit: Boston.com)

The People of Burma to Kim Kardashian: "Thanks, but no thanks. We're totally serious."

I love when she goes into a whole soliloquy about how she wrote her "thesis" about Burma while checking out her ass in the mirror.





(Courtesy of WWTDD.)

Sunday Morning WTF

Heidi Montag was invited to the White House Correspondents gala. What?

The New Yorker drops knowledge about "The Hills"

Yeah, I've watched "The Hills" voluntarily. A girl sometimes needs some mindless entertainment. But I'll never forgive Lauren Conrad, she of the "sub-Old Navy" clothing line, for blowing off a summer in Paris so that she could spend time with her boyfriend. What? WHO DOES THAT?

Anyway. I love when high-brow publications offer up commentary about vapid pop-culture institutions. In this case, The New Yorker takes on "The Hills," and the author still can't figure out why this show is so hot.

I don’t know for sure what the appeal is, even though I have worked for nine years in the building identified in the show as Teen Vogue Headquarters and some wisdom should have rubbed off on me by now. But I’m still trying to figure out why teen-agers want their bra straps to show and how it came to pass that crooked hair parts are considered chic and not a pathetic sign that you didn’t have proper mothering. So I have plenty to think about as it is. The L.A. of this show has no edge or darkness to it, and perhaps it’s easy, and pleasant, for young girls to imagine being Lauren & Co. when they grow up. (Or at least to have their teeth, which are truly spectacular.) The show’s soundtrack is all pop songs, often as many as a dozen per episode, and they tend to be programmatically upbeat or emo, underlining the three overriding and broadly painted feelings of the characters: I’m so glad; I’m so sad; and I’m so confused. These characters are now in their twenties, but they still smell like Teen Spirit.

Heh.

(Photo credit: Illustration by Quickhoney, courtesy of The New Yorker.)

Our Lady of Perpetual Craziness

Britney Spears as hyper stylized, garden fairy nymph/Virgin Mary? Best piece of pop culture art. Ever.

Unfortunately, I don't know who the original artist is, so if you're out there reading this, mad props to you. One love.




(Courtesy of Perez Hilton. Don't judge!)

Now you know how it feels.

Some people find empathy in shared experiences; some find it after rubbing colloidal silver on their skin:

[Paul] Karason, who recently moved from Oregon to Madera, Calif., said it hasn't been easy living with blue skin.

"I do tend to avoid public places as much as I can," he said.

Karason made the move in hopes of fitting in a little better.

"I hope that they just accept me," he said, "And I think that will happen here. Where I was, I rather doubt it would have. This is different kind of community here."

Yeah, yeah. I linked to FOX News. They had the best picture.


(Photo credit: FNC)

For all you U.S. Americans

Miss Teen South Carolina offers up a cautionary tale regarding the reasons behind our nation's crumbling public school system:



(Props to BYO.)

Gay Bomb

The Pentagon confirmed the existence of an Air Force proposal to create a special type of chemical weapon that would disperse strong aphrodesiacs and hormones that would "cause homosexual behavior."

"The Ohio Air Force lab proposed that a bomb be developed that contained a chemical that would cause enemy soliders to become gay, and to have their units break down because all their soldiers became irresistably attractive to one another," Hammond said after reviwing [sic] the documents.

"The notion was that a chemical that would probably be pleasant in the human body in low quantities could be identified, and by virtue of either breathing or having their skin exposed to this chemical, the notion was that soliders would become gay," explained Hammond.

The Pentagon told CBS 5 that the proposal was made by the Air Force in 1994.

Firstly, do I even have to go into how stupid this is? Just like how you can't pray the gay away, you can't spray some love potion on somebody and >poof< make them gay.

However, some market-savvy inventor should jump on this idea, create a body spray and market it in a way that's similar to Axe that will make the gay menz swoon over each other. On second thought, gay men probably wouldn't buy it. All the ones I know are way more high-end than that, and would probably balk at the idea of buying a cologne from the drug store. But you know, this could be an option for the bois on a budget.

Hey, screw that; how about making one for us single, straight women out here? I can use all the help I can get.

Free Paris REDUX - Now I've seen it all

Paris Hilton supporters created a petition asking Gov. Schwarzenegger for leniency. Indulge me while I give you a little excerpt:

Paris Whitney Hilton is an American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton. She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives.

[...]

As most of America now knows, Ms. Hilton was just charged in a Los Angeles court with DUI and sentenced to 45 days in Century Regional Detention Facility in California beginning on or before June 5, 2007.

We, the American public who support Paris, are shocked, dismayed and appalled by how Paris has been the person to be used as an example that Drunk Driving is wrong. We do not support drunk driving or DUI charges. Paris should have been sober. But she shouldn't go to jail, either.

Whatever, people! Yeah, Paris is such a victim. In her own words:

"I think I get in more trouble because of who I am," posits Paris. "The cops do it all the time. They'll just pull me over to hit on me. It's really annoying. They're [the cops] like, 'What's your phone number? Want to go out to dinner?'"

So NOT sympathetic to your cause, girlfriend.

UPDATE: In response to this absurdity, I just had to create a rebuttal petition. Read (and sign) it here.

Socialite in the Slammer

Let the "Free Paris" campaign begin!



I wonder if 45 days in the clink will teach girlfriend some maturity.

There aren't any "don't drop the soap" prison jokes for women, are there?

Basically, Miss Thang got arrested for violating her probation by driving on a suspended license. She claims to not have known about her license being suspended for 90 days, even though she signed a document saying just that:

[Paris] said that when an officer who stopped her in January made her sign a document stating her license was suspended, she thought he was mistaken and did not actually look at the document.

Poor girl. She probably thought the officer was asking for her autograph.

UPDATE 5/4: In this L.A. Times article, Hilton's attorney declared the verdict unfair, saying that Paris, whom he said was a person with "unique issues and needs" [apparently], was selectively prosecuted because of who she is.

Bitch, please. Nobody is above the law, especially socialites who are too stupid to take shit like this seriously.

Oh yeah, and Paris made the sign of the cross before hearing the verdict. What, all of a sudden she's religious? Heh.


(Photo credit: Damian Dovarganes/AP)