May 17, 2005

Handle your truth? Handle THIS!

I'm watching the Britney train wreck, aka her new "reality" show with her new hubby, Kevin Federline. This is probably the most terrible thing I've seen in a long time.

Today, Britney is talking about "marriage and commitment." Maybe with every episode she's going to have a new topic or something. In the second half of the show, she asks people what their favorite sex position is. The only impression I'm getting is that pre-Kevin, she was super horny and desperate for a date.

Actual quote: "I'm not all about sex, y'all."

Obviously, she's trying to set us up for their whirlwind courtship.

Most of the "cinematography" in this show is done by Britney and Kevin themselves, so there's lots of shaky, hand-held shots and camera-up-the-nose angles. Bad idea. Even Jessica and Nick had their own camera crew.

These are some of the things we learn about La Britney:
  1. Her Southern drawl is super thick.
  2. Kevin is good in bed.
  3. Kevin kisses real good.
  4. Performing makes her feel like it's her birthday. Every day.
  5. They love them some Britney in the UK.
  6. Never ask her to be in charge of the videocamera.
  7. She likes to make up dirty words to songs.
  8. JC Chasez likes sex too, but he doesn't like to talk about it.
  9. Britney won't tell us what her favorite position is, but I suspect she likes it from behind.
I will admit, I used to think that Britney was like, 40% hot. But this show just makes her look ... vapid. And trite. And what the hell is she trying to prove with this long, drawn-out PR piece masquerading as a tv show? Okay. I have a headache now. This show is SO trying to be "Truth or Dare" but ... different.

Girl, please.

7 comments:

Angie said...

I cannot believe you even watching that!!! Have you no pride??? And to think I know you! Sheesh! LOL

Mags said...

I like to think of it as "blog research."

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Poland: There is no such word as "blog." Off to purgatory with you -- and a bite from Cerebus as you cross the River Styx.

I liked Britney better before her parents aborted her.

agitprop said...

I can't believe you have the stomach for that. I couldn't stand to watch those two rednecks.

So are they going to televise Britney giving birth to her devil spawn on live TV?

howlingman said...

Speaking of oversexed fake blondes, I haven't seen Christina Aguilera in a while.

I'm really hoping that Britney's not actually pregnant, but rather Xtiny got stuck in Brit's uterus during a difficult three-way maneuver.

Yowza.

Virge said...

Don't all rednecks like it from behind?

Mags said...

You callin' me a redneck?