In the Red

Not to gross you out or anything, but I'm riding the cotton pony this week. And I hate it, because for the week and a half preceding this event, I develop these crazy, overly specific food cravings. This month was the worst, because I craved nothing but crunchy cheesy poofs.

Yes, this month I became Cartman. Like "Red Dragon," except without the harelip and the all the killing and stuff.

I don't think there was ever a time period before surfing the crimson wave that I ever actually craved anything healthy. Oh no. God forbid that happens. All the ladies, if you feel me, help me sing it out. Here's a list of just some of the things I've craved over the last few months. And this is just stuff that I just had to have. And each month, it's always just one particular thing. And I have to have this thing at least once every day.

• Hostess cupcakes (the orange ones)
• Crunchy fast food chicken sandwiches (I normally HATE these)
• Chocolate (typical, I know)
• Steak (medium rare, rib eye)
• Twix (caramel, never peanut butter)
• Pearl/Bubble/Boba tea (taro flavor)
• Peanut butter (Laura Scudder's reduced fat "natural style")
• Ice cream (Breyer's natural vanilla with real vanilla bean specks)
• Buffalo wings (mild, with extra bleu cheese dressing)
• Carnitas burritos from La Morena (with black beans)
• Oreos (regular, not double stuffed, dipped in black coffee)
• Salt & vinegar potato chips

Oh, to be a woman.