With this weekend being one of the nicest weekends ever - weatherwise - I figured I should get out there and do something. So I decided to wash my car. Not only wash it, but wax it, too. I'm so butch sometimes.
So. I go to the garage and get all my car-cleaning gear: the soft washing cloth, the big soft brush for the wheels, soap, bucket, wheel-grease-taker-outer chemical spray thingy, Armor-all car wipes, Windex car wipes, dry towels.
I'm a woman on a mission, I thought, as I lugged out all this stuff to the front porch. The soap bucket filled with thick, massive, marshmallow-fluff-like froth as I shot water into it from the garden hose. I'm thinking I'm going to do the best car wash job ever, that I'm going to take my time and enjoy this nice weather. Get into every crack and crevice. For once, I thought, I will be washing my car in the sun, rather than the foggy mess that is usually the norm. This car was going to be clean, dammit. Pro style.
I giggle to myself as I walk to my car with soap bucket and washcloth in hand. Since it was such a nice day today, I was wearing super short shorts (the kind I don't dare wear out in public, but I didn't care, it was hot), a tiny t-shirt and flip flops. Hair tossed in a half ponytail, half bun-like creation. I looked like an extra in a bad Mariah Carey sexploitation video - the outtakes. But whatever - I was all proud of myself, because instead of my usual Sunday afternoon laziness, I was actually going to embark on a somewhat productive venture and hopefully get a little bit of exercise out of it as well.
Feeling good, feeling great. And then.
I look over to my car - my pride and joy - my first real "adult" purchase. What do I see?
"Wash me" scrawled in the dust and grime of my car's hood.
Oh HELL no.
I mean, "wash me" is something you write on the back of a dirty ass station wagon or a chester molester white van, not the "poor-man's BMW," by god. Not MY car, dammit. Hands off! I know it's dirty! I'm about to clean it, can't you see? Damn!
I couldn't wipe the smirk off my face as I hosed that sucker down.