Mar 8, 2005

eHarmony, eSchmarmony.

I must be bored, because I filled out that eHarmony questionnaire. I've been seeing a lot of their commercials on TV lately, and I have tried the online-personal-ad-thing before, so I was curious to find out what exactly makes them so different.

Fourty freakin' minutes later - I swear their questionnaire is super long - I have come to the conclusion that the folks at eHarmony are a bunch of right-wing evangelicals. Or something. Like the eHarmony people and the people who think they can turn you from being gay through prayer all go to the same tea parties.

Why do I feel this way? Three reasons:
1. In the drop-down menu where it asks you to identify yourself and what you're seeking, the choices are "man seeking woman" and "woman seeking man." Only. I mean, I'm straight, but shouldn't gays and trannies be able to get them some eHarmony love too?
2. After you're about 82% into the questionnaireathon, they explicitly state that eHarmony "does not provide matching services for people who are separated but still married."
3. The overabundance of "my faith is important to me" questions.

I guess that helps weed out the extramarital-affair seekers, but whatever.

So after all that rigamarole of self-evaluation and soul searching, I got three matches. THREE. That's THREE people eHarmony says are good matches for me. What the fuck? How am I supposed to interpret that?

One of them I suspect is some recent immigrant with bad English; either that or he's a horrible speller which, in this medium, speaks volumes and is a total turn-off. The second one, I don't even remember anything about him that stood out, really, except that I would have to cross a $3 toll bridge if I ever wanted to drive to where he lives. And I'm a cheap bastard, I won't let my FasTrack balance diminish for just any fool. The third one had a Harley. Needless to say, I didn't read any further.

And I didn't get to see any pictures, because you have to pay to see those.

Part of me wants to say "screw eHarmony," but seeing all their lovey-dovey TV ads, all my friends getting married, and the overabundance of married people writing blogs these days kinda gets one thinking ...

7 comments:

Kabooke Quantum Fighter said...

homegurl, you dont need no eharmony. married people suck and their blogs suck even more. bytheby...you saw the 'not logos per se' edana made for me on my site...whaddya think hmm?? they are all there...'lowkey, celladoor and kabooke quantum fighter...which one strikes your fancy??
ps: i commented on another post of yours whcih was about intellectualism and working etc...anyways...

Angie said...

LOL
I can't believe you filled out that questionaire!! I stopped after 15 minutes and said screw it. No man is worth filling out this damn thing. LOL

ADAMANT said...

I filled in the personality test questions answering as a homophobic, short tempered, war-happy, undiplomatic, bigotted, right-wing Jesus freak with delusions of grandeur.

And it matched me up with 50 million people!

God of Biscuits said...

I emailed them right after i saw that there was no way to specify "man seeking man", and complained on the basis of false advertising: they talk about soulmates and finding the right 'person'.

never any mention of opposite-sex or the like.

They emailed me back saying they took their 'scientific research' very seriously and that they just didn't have any data on same-sex couples and so they didn't want to 'risk their reputation' on matching same-sex couples up.

I told them this didn't address their advertising, and that they could go get some data on same-sex couples.

They just reiterated that they didnt' have the data.

They suck

P said...

I registered with eHarmony and it totally sucked. I got matches right away, but that may be because I had to select a range greater than 50 miles because the only unmarried sentient beings *within* 50 miles of Laramie are ranch animals [insert tired cliche about carnal knowledge of sheep here]. So my matches all came from Colorado.

What really pissed me off, though, was that while registering was free, and establishing a profile was free, ACTUALLY CONTACTING ONE'S MATCHES cost money; lots of it. What, like, 40 bucks a month or something? Just to say "hi" to someone? Hmm. I'll go back to the bar scene, such as it is.

Timothy Mahar said...

eHarmony's goal is to match marriage minded singles. It is for people who are serious about finding a mate. It is for people who have grown tired of the offline dating world and are ready to try something new. It is a great option for a lot of people, but it is not for everyone. If you are considering joining eHarmony (despite the posts above), I have posted my observations from my eHarmony experience on RomanceForEveryone.com .

pheromones said...

Sometimes that questionaire for eHarmony doesn't seem to live up to the expectations on finding the perfect match. I wonder why that is with all of the different people that they have available on the site. This was good to know and thanks for sharing! Ariel-