eHarmony, eSchmarmony.

I must be bored, because I filled out that eHarmony questionnaire. I've been seeing a lot of their commercials on TV lately, and I have tried the online-personal-ad-thing before, so I was curious to find out what exactly makes them so different.

Fourty freakin' minutes later - I swear their questionnaire is super long - I have come to the conclusion that the folks at eHarmony are a bunch of right-wing evangelicals. Or something. Like the eHarmony people and the people who think they can turn you from being gay through prayer all go to the same tea parties.

Why do I feel this way? Three reasons:
1. In the drop-down menu where it asks you to identify yourself and what you're seeking, the choices are "man seeking woman" and "woman seeking man." Only. I mean, I'm straight, but shouldn't gays and trannies be able to get them some eHarmony love too?
2. After you're about 82% into the questionnaireathon, they explicitly state that eHarmony "does not provide matching services for people who are separated but still married."
3. The overabundance of "my faith is important to me" questions.

I guess that helps weed out the extramarital-affair seekers, but whatever.

So after all that rigamarole of self-evaluation and soul searching, I got three matches. THREE. That's THREE people eHarmony says are good matches for me. What the fuck? How am I supposed to interpret that?

One of them I suspect is some recent immigrant with bad English; either that or he's a horrible speller which, in this medium, speaks volumes and is a total turn-off. The second one, I don't even remember anything about him that stood out, really, except that I would have to cross a $3 toll bridge if I ever wanted to drive to where he lives. And I'm a cheap bastard, I won't let my FasTrack balance diminish for just any fool. The third one had a Harley. Needless to say, I didn't read any further.

And I didn't get to see any pictures, because you have to pay to see those.

Part of me wants to say "screw eHarmony," but seeing all their lovey-dovey TV ads, all my friends getting married, and the overabundance of married people writing blogs these days kinda gets one thinking ...