Project Runway After Party

Episode 5: Iconic Statement or, “How many times can we tell Robert that he’s boring?”

Heidi comes in, brings out the models, and Heidi switches it up again. Now the models pick who they want to work with. Hmm. So … there’s one extra model, which means two models have to go this episode. So then the last model picked out of the bag automatically loses? That sucks, but I guess the randomness is fair: Alexandra picks Alison, Clarissa picks Angela, Amanda picks Kayne, Nazri picks Michael (you know she wants him!), Lindsey goes with Uli, Danielle picks Robert, Marilinda picks Jeffery, Camilla picks Laura, Gia picks Vincent, and Katie Holmes picks Bradley.

This week’s challenge was to modernize the look of a fashion icon, and not only do the models pick the designers, but they also pick which celebrity icon the designers will have. The designers feel so out of control right now, especially Angela, who can’t help but flail about as Heidi tells the models to go get changed. What is up with her spazziness?

Some of the fashion icons: Madonna, Farrah Fawcett, Marilyn Monroe, Jackie O. The models get to take one of the fashion icon's photos and then take it back to their designer’s tables. It’s a mad dash, like a clearance sale at Filene's or something. Those models were ruthless!

Angela spazzes out again when she finds out her model picked Audrey Hepburn. Michael gets Pam Muthafuckin’ Grier, yo. Everyone else gets, well, everyone else.

They get two days and $150.

Get to sketchin’!

Laura loves her challenge and thinks that Camilla nailed it with the Katherine Hepburn choice. Alison is not feeling Farrah Fawcett until her model describes who Farrah Fawcett actually is. Gia picked Twiggy because she knew that Vincent would do a good job of it. Bradley is freaking out because he doesn’t know anything about Cher. Katie Holmes tells him that she’s gone pop, and Bradley’s all, like Prince? Yeah, Bradley. Like Prince. But different.

Michael is getting more face time in this episode. We happy!

Robert is having a complex, thinking now that he’s boring. Thanks, Heidi. Way to break a man. I bet he has nightmares about it to this day.

Kayne wants to make a “Marilyn Monroe meets Gwen Stefani” look. Vincent wants to make a bell sleeve. Two words: Uh oh.

Back in the sewing room, tensions mount as the designers play musical sewing machines. And why are they doing this, you ask? Because Angela pretty much broke Bradley’s machine. So Bradley starts working on Alison’s machine, which sets the whole downward spiral going. Jeffery comes in and is all, I heard bitching up in here, can I play? So then he proceeds to put in his two cents and blames everything on Angela and the rest of the “inexperienced assholes” on this show. Jeffery gets all in Angela’s face, saying, “I’m entitled not to like you, right?”

Hold me. Jeffery. Is. So. Punk. Rawk. This is the same guy who was all hurt that he didn't win the freakin’ Macy’s challenge. Whatevs!

My new favorite, Laura, checks Jeffery and his insolence and tells him, if you’re so experienced, what are you doing here, assmunch?

Jeffery retorts by quacking at her (like a duck, seriously) and wishing a stroke on Laura. Oh no he DIDN’T. You can’t be wishing strokes on people! Besides, Vincent Gallo already has the market cornered on wishing bad diseases and afflictions on people. Bo-ring! Find your own damn gimmick!

Michael is now saying that it’s not cool that everyone is ganging up on Angela, while Jeffery tries to rationalize by saying that her actions have a direct effect on him … indirectly.

“I’m not trying to play Captain Save A Ho, but it really wasn’t his place to say anything,” Michael says.

Michael gets instant cool points for referencing east bay rapper E-40!

So Jeffery tries further rationalization, but Michael is not trying to feel it, so he dismisses Jeffery and his tattoo by saying “coo.” Yeah. Now get to steppin'.

I officially love this episode because Michael is getting SO MUCH face time right now. So after his confrontation with Jeffery, he goes and calls his mom to get some perspective. And then when he’s saying goodbye to her, he calls his mom “my dear.” I'm swooning now.

Fortified with Mama’s love, Michael feels ready to continue on.

The next morning, Vincent is shitting Twiggy bricks. Robert is again freaking out that his outfit is boring, so he borrows some extra linen from Vincent. Because we all know how exciting and fun linen is. Don't we?

Back at the Atlas, everyone talks about whose designs they’d love to see, and Kayne’s all “I want to see the Cher outfit, hel-lo.”

Jeffery says wants to see Laura’s, because he wants to see what kind of a dress a “frigid bitch” would design. A wise voice off camera suggests that Jeffery use his pitchfork on her then. Get it? Because Jeffery is the Devil. And the Devil wears neck tatts!

The next day, the designers come in and Angela wearing a shirt that says “B is for BIATCH.” Talk about using a t-shirt to make a statement.

How original.

Yawn.

The word of today’s episode is “supercalifragilisticexpialicrazy.” But not because it’s funny, but because it was a lame attempt by Jeffery at humor. Nothing can beat “Captain Save A Ho,” aiight? Check yourself!

The next day, the models come in for their fittings.

Michael is not feeling the dress, so he tries to revamp it.

Kayne is annoyed because his model is a chatterbox. Blathering on about her iPod and stuff.

Bradley designed pants that showed off Katie Holme’s massive camel toe. I wonder if he’s going to fix it.

So some guy, Nathaniel from TreSemme, comes to talk to the designers to talk about hair. And to announce that the winning “look” will be featured in an upcoming ad in Elle.

Sidebar: I wonder if Nazri is sick of her hair being massively fro’d out every episode. It doesn't look bad, but I'm just saying. Mix it up.

Tim Gunn comes for his usual feedback session, and proceeds to further validate Robert’s insecurities by saying that his garment is plain. Actually, it was so plain that Tim was speechless, so Robert filled in the blank for him. Poor Robert. He's totally buying into the fact that they all think he's boring. Psychological warfare in full effect!

Michael tells Tim that he’s going to do hot pants instead of a skirt. Tim HATES hot pants, but Michael makes them anyway. Tim is worried about Bradley’s design, as we all should be.

And so ends Day Two.

The next morning, we see shots of the designers waking up and getting out of bed, and apparently the cameraman is in love with Alison (and why shouldn’t he be?) because the camera follows her climbing out of bed in her slinky animal print chemise, walking to the kitchen, and then getting a coffee mug out of the cupboard. Riveting footage.

The models come for their fittings, Kayne tells his model to shut up already, and that she should just stand there and look pretty without saying a word. I agree.

On to the runway!

Sidebar: What fashion icon was Heidi trying to emulate with that lace kimono-sleeve dress and white boots?

Michael Kors (Finally!), NINAGARCIA, and Project Runway veteran judge, Diane Von Furstenburg are here to judge.

Alison’s Farrah Fawcett look was nice. Just nice. I don't really remember it.

Bradley’s Cher outfit: He was concerned with being too spacey. Justified.

Angela’s Audrey Hepburn look was … meh. Are those rosettes I see? Good Lord. They’re subdued, but enough already, seriously.

Kayne’s Marilyn Monroe dress was very sexy, very art deco, very glam. There was something weird going on around the hip though.

Laura’s Katherine Hepburn look was pretty slick and tailored, as usual. The high-waisted pant was great too.

Vincent’s dress for Twiggy was very elementary-school uniform. He thinks he nailed it. Me, not so much.

Michael’s outfit for Pam Grier was cute. It looks like something Pam woud wear to the club on Friday night.

Robert’s Jackie O outfit was cute, although what’s up with the rope belts, Robert?

Uli’s dress for Diana Ross was great. I could see Diana wearing that on stage.

Jeffery’s outfit for Madonna, a tattered deconstructed corset, looks like something Madonna already wore. Like during that tour where she had the black geisha hair. I don’t really see it as being all that innovative or “updated,” and I’m not just saying that because he wished a stroke on Laura.

During the final critique, Kors says that Kayne’s dress looks like “goth Marilyn.” Heidi thinks it’s “genius.” NINAGARCIA says he “understands presentation” and says she’s never bored with his designs. I have to agree with her.

Vincent’s next, and describes Twiggy in the past tense. Diane checks Vincent by saying, “First of all, lame ass, Twiggy is still alive.” Oopsie. NINAGARCIA doesn’t like the outfit, but tells him this with a slight laugh. I think they’re being too easy on Vincent. The dress’s construction looked like something your grandma made you back in 1970, when you were in 7th grade. And this is the problem I am noticing with Vincent: I guess Vincent used to have a label back in the 80’s or something, but several decades later, his designs continue to look dated. He shouldn’t have cashed out the 401k, that’s all I’m saying. Nice man, I’m sure. But I haven’t seen anything fashion-forward from him yet. And we’re already five episodes in.

On to Michael, my other new favorite. Heidi thinks Michael’s outfit "works." Diane said that Michael’s whole thing was “perfection.” The judges are loving his outfit, as they should.

Bradley’s updated outfit for Cher is next, and the judges are not loving it. It’s the white camel toe pant with some kind of metallic kimono-sleeve top. Kors says the camel toe pants are “insane.” Heidi says it looks like something you’d pick up at the mall, and it looked so cheap.

I hate to say it, but Angela’s outfit is quite nice. Good thing she paired with Michael and Laura in last week's episode, because although she used those damn granny circles again, they were tastefully done around the hem of the dress. It also looked like she did some pleating, or ruching. Her partnership with My Favorites taught her a thing or two about taste level. She’s surprising the judges, and me. I still think she's a spaz though. And annoying.

NINAGARCIA doesn’t “get” Robert’s design. Diane thinks linen was the worst mistake he could have made. Kors says this outfit looks nothing like what Jackie O would wear. Robert looks like he’s going to explode, and I think from this point on, Robert will strike the word “boring” from his vocabulary and not allow people to use that word in his presence.

Michael wins the challenge, and he does a cute little jig. No immunity, though. Whatever! Backstage, Nazri and Angela congratulate Michael on his win. But Michael is more interested in hugging Nazri, though. Ha ha.

Hold up. Vincent is in? WTF?

Bradley the Beard is out.