Malan starts the show out pretty cheerful and optimistic, doesn’t he? He's so cute.
As you remember from last week, Keith won the last challenge, so he’s got immunity for this episode.
And in today’s episode, the designers get to pick their models, and as last week's winner, Keith gets to go first. He picks the model he had for the first challenge. Most go with the models they worked with on the first challenge, but some designers decide to go out on a limb and choose differently. So this means one model is out. I forgot her name. Anyway, auf wiedersehens are said, hugs are given, tears ensue. Yadda yadda.
So the designers get to design a dress for Miss USA, Tara Conner. You know Kayne (I keep wanting to type “Kanye,” by the way) is piddling his panties. He even sheds a tear.
Sidebar: Do people still watch these pageants? I thought the squeals and “oh my gods” from the designers were a little over the top.
Back at Parsons, Tim Gunn tells them that they’re going to work in teams of two. Yippee! Get to sketchin'!
Angela starts lobbying Kanye to be on his team, getting all up in his grill, making her case as to why they'll make a good team (maybe because Kayne owns a pageant-dressmaking business?) while Kayne looks very interested in his sketch pad.
After 30 minutes of sketching, each designer pitched their concepts to Conner, and Keith used this opportunity to cop a feel and tell her he wants to see her legs. I think Conner got a little moist.
There’s something very soothing about Malan’s voice. I don’t care what any of y’all say. I love me some Malan. And at that moment, Tara was mesmerized too, I know she was.
It's Angela's turn, and she brings zero sketches, and instead interrogates her about certain styles Tara prefers. Umpire waist? Sorry dear, it’s empire. Gloves? Girl, please. Tara looks off camera, seemingly to ask (with her heavily lined eyes), “WTF?” Way to impress a client, there.
So which designers had the winning pitch?
- Kayne (pageant freaks, unite!)
- Malan (I’m telling you, it’s the voice. I don’t care if the accent is affected or not.)
- Keith (groping will get you everywhere, apparently)
- Laura (I guess she has a thing for architects)
“Um, it’s Angela.”
With a $300 budget, the designers head over to Mood, our favorite fabric store, and Angela starts busting his balls about time. Way to make your partner not feel stressed out.
Back at Parsons, Vincent starts draping and pretty much leaves Angela out of “the process.” So she starts to feel left out and leaves the room to get a snack or something.
Malan schools Katherine on the benefits of good organization. Fade out, fade in – and now we get a glimpse into Malan’s psyche, as he recounts a story from his childhood in which he shows his mom his sketches. Mom pretty much shot him down and told him those sketches would never amount to anything. I'm sure this is what causes Malan to wear nothing but suits, slick his hair back, and affect a British accent in his adult life.
Angela says, “Vincent, I’m really concerned because I made this dress in college.”
Vincent’s like, I’m not even trying to hear you because I have to drape this fabric, and pretty much busts out a verbal restraining order on her, telling her to step back three feet.
I don’t really think this partnership is working well.
Day 2, and Tim’s in the house to offer his insight.
Tim Gunn tells Vincent that he’s “disappointed” about how his dress is coming along. Vincent: “Oh, that’s okay!” Honestly, I want to smack him. Doesn’t he live in New York? Why does he seem so … naive?
He also tells Malan and Katherine that their dress basically looks like a big log. Tim Gunn, in his blog, calls it a "hulking stump of light-absorbing brown fabric." Sexay!
In a brief conversation over snacks at the Parsons commissary, Keith asks how Angela and Vincent are coming along. It appears that Keith mildly defends Vincent, to which Angela replies, “Your opinion is of no value to me, so …”
Angela is in touch with her inner Wendy Pepper, clearly.
Kayne and Robert are the. Gayest. Team. Ever. I love it!
That night, back at the Atlas, the boys and girls talk shit about Angela and Vincent. The following words get thrown around: “transparent as shit,” "stab you in the back any chance she'll get," “feminazi.” I wonder who they’re talking about? Don't get me started on the "feminazi" comment. But I digress.
Day 3, the day of the runway show, and Vincent and Angela bicker about what time they have to be finished by. Vincent asks Angela to find out for sure, and she tells him it’s 12:15. It turns out the real time is 12:30, so Vincent berates her, saying that she hasn’t helped at all, and when he asks her to do something, she can’t even find the correct time. Vincent wants a secretary, not a co-designer, it’s very apparent.
Sidebar: These text-message voting things are annoying. Bravo, please. Stop it trying to be like American Idol.
On to the runway!
Vera Wang stands in for Kors, who's undoubtedly busy designing some more jet-setting American fashion.
Jeffery’s dress was great in that deconstructed, avant-garde dress kind of way.
Keith’s and Bradley’s dress was very pretty, and flowy, and feminine, but as a pageant dress? I doubt it would work. It looks better suited for the red carpet rather than a beauty pageant. But I guess that's what Tara wanted.
I actually loved the color of Vincent and Angela's dress, but there was something wrong in the fit around the bust. And the shoulders. During the critique, Tara says that while the dress made the model look like a space cadet, it was still nice, because it was "different." Epaulets on an evening gown: Who knew? Angela sells Vincent out every chance she gets, but it looks like the judges aren’t trying to hear that. Angela is in “complete and total shock,” and Vincent says that the experience was the “nightmare of my life.”
Kayne and Robert’s dress was pretty spectacular in that flamenco dress kind of way (and y’all know how I love me some flamenco!). It looks like they used an iridescent organza that changed hue depending on the angle. The beading around the neck – working the built-in jewelry angle again – was very dramatic and very well executed.
Malan’ and Katherine’s dress was OK, although the ruching at the bodice reminded me of tree bark and fungus. And the hem is a little short. And unfinished. Katherine tells the judges that she doesn’t want to go home, and Malan says that it would “have to be” him if they decide not to pick him.
Uli and Bonnie‘s dress was nice too, although very similar to Keith and Bradley’s dress, but with a very, verrrry low back. Since when did Miss USA dresses become so sexy? Tara is loving this dress.
Laura and Michael’s dress had very clean and elegant lines, and it really did look like a pageant dress, which might help them, since most of the dresses were very elaborate and dramatic. There were rhinestones that had to be glued on one-by-one. To me, the gown was very reminiscent of an ice-skater's outfit, but in a good way.
Kayne wins this challenge, and Tara vows to “work that gown” at the pageant. Kayne gets immunity for the next episode.
Sidebar: What’s up with offering immunity with each challenge? Are we mixing up our reality shows, here? I liked the fact that each designer's fate was up for grabs on each episode! But nobody asked me ...
It’s down to Malan and Angela. Heidi tells Malan that he failed at the execution. Then she tells Angela that she failed at teamwork, with a little extra emphasis on the word “failed.”
Holy shit. Malan gets The Auf.
“I felt so ashamed,” he says, and how all of his life he’s had to say goodbye to people. “The show must go on.”
We’re only two episodes in and I’m already pissed at this show. That is all.