Project Runway After Party - Season 4

Yeah, I know, I know. I missed my recap for Episode 2, but real life got in the way. Sorry!

Episode 2: "I Started Crying."
Marion’s out. Unfortunate, yes, but that sack dress really did not translate well into the real world. Oh yeah, and P.S.? Spitting on fabric is killing me softly, y’all. I can’t wait to see what Our Favorite Flower Child does this week.

Episode 3: "Fashion Giant" (aka "Let Them Have Eye Candy")
So, supposedly this episode, the designers will be faced with the Most. Difficult. Challenge. Ever.

The show opens and again we see a very buff Jack, clad in only a towel and his tattoos. We learn that he’s been HIV positive for several years, but that he's the healthiest he's ever been. Judging by his rippled, chiseled torso, I totally agree. Eye candy for all of us!

Field trip!

The designers have to go to 10 Rock to meet with Tim and find out what their next challenge is.

So Tiki Barber meets them at the Today Show studio and some of the guys are freaking out because they’re a little behind on their football. The challenge? Design an outfit for Tiki to wear on the Today Show. The designers get $100 and a day and a half to construct a garment. He tells us that some of his fitting challenges are that he has a big neck and a skinny waist. Oh yeah, and the fact that Tiki got back, y'all.

He breaks it down as far as what he likes to wear – for example; he likes little details and isn’t afraid of color (as long as it accents the whole outfit). He asks the designers if they have any questions, and they totally do. I love when people have questions and ask them!

The designers go back to the studio, and Jack is carrying Christian in a bag. You know, like a little poodle. Sweet P is freaking out because she realized she doesn’t know how to sketch menswear, let alone construct garments for men. Kit – my favorite right now – says that her experience as a TV stylist gives her an edge because she knows what works on screen. I hope so, girl!

Looks like everyone is going out on a limb and making suits or blazers. I mean really, what *else* can you do when it comes to designing menswear for a morning show personality on a major network?

Elisa is keeping her hippie tendencies on the down low right now, so she’s probably safe this episode. I just hope she keeps her saliva to herself!

Jack takes off his shorts and traces the pattern of his shorts – basically disassembling them. That's fair? How is that fair, when what's-his-face gets kicked off the show for having pattern books? I don't get it. Maybe because it's Jack.

It’s midnight, and we still haven’t heard anything from Miz Phlemglobber. What’s even more perplexing is that I’m still wondering what is so *hard* about this challenge. I mean, I’m sure it’s hard enough designing for a man, when all you’ve been doing is designing clothes for women---I’ll give them that---but how is this any different from designing for a “jet setter” as in the last season? But I digress.

It’s Day 2, and everyone’s Stressing. The. Hell. Out. Kit keeps it real, though, and reminds everyone that they are experiencing the opportunity of a lifetime. Go girl! Way to put things in perspective!

Chris tells us that he’s a) older than everyone else and b) completely self taught. Pants? Just two sleeves sewn together! Easy peasy, right?

Rami’s inner bitch comes out when he tries on his muslin pants, not made with any patterns, thankyouverymuch. Rowr!

"Jealousy's going to bring out the ugly, and ... whatever!" Jack says.

The male models come in for fittings. Everyone is freaking out over the hotness. I am too, kinda. Eye candy for everyone!

So as not to disappoint me, Elisa turns her back when the male model changes. She says that the whole fitting ordeal is a very intimate process, and that the only male she's fitted was her boyfriend. “He’s the only male I choose to touch.”

And kids, we all know what fittings lead to ...

Honestly, I'm blown away by Elisa's modesty. I thought hippies were about free love and all that. Clearly not!

My other girl, Sweet P, is freaking out because her shirt isn’t working out well. She's right. Oy. I'm scared for her.

Tim Gunn comes in and summons up a Gather ‘Round to tell the designers that they have a special guest – an Asian woman who nobody knows about, but it turns out that it’s Tiki Barber’s wife.

“I love Asians. Asians are fierce.”

Thanks, Christian! I love you too!

What happens next is about five minutes of Project Runway filler, in which Miz Barber walks around to each designer, telling him or her whether or not Tiki would love those colors, or that the jacket looks too "Members Only." I mean seriously, even that snarky comment to Carmen didn't redeem her from her blandness. Her dress was BEIGE, for crying out loud.

Seriously, Bravo, Miz Barber just totally harshed my eye candy mellow, knowutimsayin? Leave the wives of the hot ex-football players out of the episode, alright?

Ricky’s freaking out about his clothes, and I’m freaking out over the fact that, quite possibly, Ricky won't give those hats a rest, already!

I realize I still don’t know everyone’s names, and I’m calling Carmen “Kelis.” I’m sorry. I can’t help it. Give me time.

Ricky is freaking out because he put the zipper in the wrong way, and he has 50 minutes left. He also just flipped off his pants. Oooh.

Carmen and Ricky start going at it in that calm, I’m-not-going-to-look-you-in-the-eye-while-I-cut-you-down manner that I find so entertaining to watch!

Don’t go home too soon!

Whatever, Ricky. Just cry and cut!

Four hours until the runway show, and the designers arrive at Parsons. Jack gives Christian a piggy back to the workroom. I’m sensing the “carrying Christian” thing will be a recurring theme.

Carmen/Kelis hasn’t even made her shirt yet, and there's 50 minutes left. Oh SNAP!

The models are back for hair and makeup. Oh my god. Ricky asked his model to sew buttons on. Janky!

Sweet P’s shirt is a mess and is wondering if she should even send it down the runway. She’s trying to creatively "style" her shirt. Good luck on that one, sistafren.

Carmen is worrying about her crotch. Her model’s – not hers. She sews her model into the pants. And she still hasn’t done the shirt. So what does she do instead? A DICKIE!!! She does a dickie! Janky!

RE: the hair and makeup shot: Can I just say how NICE it must be to get a fresh haircut whenever you go on a job? I totally want to be a model now!

On to the runway. This will definitely be fun. As my boy Christian says, there’s a lot that’s jacked up around here.

Amen, sister.

On the runway, most of the designers are cringing in their seats. As the models walk down the runway, I’m not getting the impression that Tiki’s liking any of them.

Jillian, Christian, Rami, Steve, Victorya, Chris, and Elisa make it to the next round. That means Ricky, Kit, Jack, Carmen, Sweet P, and have to stay behind for critique.

Tiki likes Kit’s look. NINAGARCIA likes the overall presentation, and Kors thinks the fleece saved her. I don’t know how I feel about the fleece jacket, but it most certainly would have been easier to hide any flaws in the construction. Smartie pants!

Sweet P totally sewed her own tie! Props to Sweet P! That shirt collar is killing me softly, though.

Kors loves Jacks’ outfit (I think he secretly has a crush on Jack) and Tiki loves the textures (not too loud) and thinks it looks great. NINAGARCIA points out he didn’t do three pieces. Was it a requirement that people had to make three pieces? I must have missed that.

“Whats with the safety pins holding up the jacket?” NINAGARCIA asks Ricky.

Tiki says it’s sloppy and that he would look like a fool if he showed up at the Today show wearing that thing. I thought that the inside liner on Ricky’s jacket was a nice detail. But, true, it wasn't the best. NINAGARCIA says that it’s straight up DULL. Obviously, Ricky didn’t learn from last season, where Gunn urged one of the contestants, “don’t bore NINA!”

Tiki says that Kevin’s outfit is eye-catching, even though he doesn’t usually wear vests. Heidi says that the look is “more David Beckham than Tiki,” and that she wouldn’t let her man walk out of the house wearing a purple shirt. I guess we know who wears the pants in that famly!

Kors says that the crotch on her pants is "insane." They make her take off the dickie, and NINAGARCIA deems it unacceptable. Bad time management, Kors says.

It’s a toss-up at this point.

The judges rip up Sweet P’s, Carmen’s, Ricky’s outfits. If Ricky gets kicked out, I think he’ll have a nervous breakdown. I’m just saying.

Jack wins the challenge, and Tiki Barber’s going to wear his outfit on the Today Show.

It’s between Carmen/Kelis (“everything was off”) and Ricky (“the construction was awful, but it was a boring old suit”) on who’s getting The Auf.

Carmen/Kelis is out. Ricky cries anyway.

See you next episode!