Episode 1: “Sew Me What You Got”
Gurrrrrrrrrl, I am so excited. My favorite show is back. I was dreaming when I wrote this; forgive me if it goes astray. I’m a little rusty.
So the episode starts and all the designers arrive at their new digs. Rami Kashou dressed Jessica "Don't Call Me Latina" Alba? Meh. Kayne’s back, in the form of costume designer Chris March. Christian Siriano. He’s kind of fierce. And he’s kind of a big deal. In his own mind. Carmen A. Webber, aka Kelis’ twin sister, used to be a model, now she’s a designer. Jillian Lewis. Illustrator/designer for Ralph Lauren. Will she be boring like Robert Best? Kit “Pistol” Scarbo. I love her already, and I don’t know why. Kevin Christiana. Self-proclaimed straight designer. They do exist, apparently. Jack Mackenroth. Hot. Probably gay. Elisa “crunchy granola” Jimenez. She does yoga and makes super-sized marionettes. Cool. I’m sure she’s been to Burning Man. “Sweet P” Vaughn shows off her tatts. I might like her too. I haven’t decided yet.
Anyway. The designers are summoned to Bryant Park to meet Tim and a non-pregnant Heidi. Tim welcomes them and he tells them that last season’s group was pretty strong, but this might be the strongest group ever. Everyone’s excited, the confidence and the champagne is flowing. They woo.
Kit says, “Life is too short to have on a bad outfit.” I am thinking I need to incorporate this as my new mantra.
Wait. Tim Gunn works for Liz Claiborne now? When did that happen? Is he no longer the dean at Parsons?
First challenge: They have run to the tents to make a garment that expresses who they are as designers. Everyone thinks that they’ll have to make a garment out of that janky tent plastic. But no! Instead, the kind folks at Mood donated $50,000 in fabrics. Sweet. They have 10 minutes to grab fabrics and until 1 a.m. to create their fabrics.
One of them (is it Elisa?) does a drive-by “happy birthday” while running and gives Heidi a sunflower. Nice touch. Way to suck up to the judge!
Everyone’s sprinting toward the tents.
Chris March is, shall we say, not sprinting. He's not so much a fast runner. Inside, he’s probably wondering how he ended up on the wrong reality show all of a sudden. Anyway. Everyone’s grabbing at the fabrics like kids around a busted piñata. Will he be left with nothing?
Alas, it all works out because nobody chose the fabrics he wanted anyway.
Elisa starts rubbing in grass stains into her silk and she tells us that she normally infuses her fabrics with tea and herbs and her sixth chakra. I made that last one up.
I hope the hippie doesn’t get kicked out. She’s killing me softly right now. Plus, she might provide oodles of Project Runway recap fodder. A blogger can only hope!
Back in the workroom, Tim tells them to make it work. They have 13 hours to complete their garments.
The designers describe their aesthetics: Rromantic, historical sensibilities. Lingerie. Feminine and edgy. Mythical. Classic. Pared down. Confusing.
Elisa uses herself as the dress form. She is really letting her hippie flag fly! Christian sums it up:
“She’s a rain goddess woman. She’s like all spiritual in the Himalayan Mountains. She’s a little strange.”
Tim comes around and starts evaluating their pieces so far, telling Elisa that she really needs to think about whether or not she’s taken the garment as far as it can go. Elisa seems to think she has, so she leaves the workroom early to go take a nap on the couch. Everyone else starts talking out of their necks about it. Let me take this second to remind the designers that hello, it’s a competition. What the hell do you care if she goes to sleep early while you think her dress is crap? Let the hippie get some sleep!
Don’t go into your fear box, people!
We come back from commercial and it’s the next morning. The first thing we see is Jack in his boxer briefs, moisturizing himself. Bravo clearly understands its core audience. Elisa’s doing her yoga.
Can I just say? I’m totally loving Christian. You just know he’s going to be the total bitchy queen you can't help falling in love with. Although I am not loving his Mission Street hipster hairdo, I hope he doesn’t get kicked off this episode. Or for a while.
Elisa tells her model that she needs to measure her body with her hands. “I need to hand measure you.” Hand measuring: It’s a verb, ya’ll.
It’s a few minutes before the first runway show, and everyone is frantically trying to finish their dresses, while Christian talks about the lousy hand sewing that’s going on all up in here. He’s talking to you, Simone!
On to the runway!
This episode’s judges are Michael Kors, NINAGARCIA, and Monique Lhuillier. Never heard of the bitch.
Let’s start the show!
On the whole, and with a few exceptions, I think the designers’ dresses were somewhat … ugly. And there are too many designers right now for me to even want to dissect them individually.
Heidi dismisses nine of the designers who’ve made it to the next round. The remaining six designers Christian (quirky tailor), Simone (dressed in the dark), Rami (chic, sophisticated, but M.O.B.), Ricky (sweet but safe, kinda boring, nice), Victoria (sweet with a twist), and Elisa (you had me at hello, but you didn’t know when to stop) stay behind for a deeper critique.
Elisa needs to stay for a while, just on the strength of her descriptions with sound effects alone. Plus, how can you hate on someone who inspires Heidi to make the following assessment:
“Elisa’s dress looked like her model was pooing fabric.”
Do you see what I’m saying?
Anyhoo. Rami wins the challenge and has immunity for the next challenge. Rami is hot. Especially when he says “wonderful.” I think I have a slight crush on Rami.
Simone gets the Auf.
See you next week!