Happy Halloween!

Halloween marks the beginning of my favorite time of year. Halloween always cracks me up - especially if it falls on a weekday, because it's always so surreal seeing witches, clowns, ghouls, and various and sundry freaks walking the streets, riding the bus, going to the store. I love it.

Don't even get me started on how much I love Thanksgiving, either.

If you're partying tonight, have fun and be safe.

I'm not a prude or anything, but ...

... if I had a young daughter, my goal would be to keep her OFF the pole.

The marketing folks at Tesco [a retail chain in England] thought differently:

Tesco has been forced to remove a pole-dancing kit from the toys and games section of its website after it was accused of "destroying children's innocence".

The Tesco Direct site advertises the kit with the words, "Unleash the sex kitten inside...simply extend the Peekaboo pole inside the tube, slip on the sexy tunes and away you go!

"Soon you'll be flaunting it to the world and earning a fortune in Peekaboo Dance Dollars".

The £49.97 kit comprises a chrome pole extendible to 8ft 6ins, a 'sexy dance garter' and a DVD demonstrating suggestive dance moves.

As a solution, Tesco agreed to remove this from the "toys" section but keep it in the "fitness" section of their web site. Well, at least, I say.

At first, I thought this was an ad for "Pole Dancing Barbie" or something, which would have made this --- in some twisted way --- funnier than it really is, until I realized it was an actual pole (a cheap-looking one, at that, I'm all about quality) that you could install. In your house. To practice on. Right next to the ceiling swing, I'd assume. Hours of entertainment. Why Tesco classified this as a toy is beyond me.

Strippin' ain't easy, yo.

I totally agree that there's some kind of bizarre cultural shift going on right now that increasingly exposes young kids and teenagers to sexuality early on --- case in point: sexy Halloween costumes, for Jah's sake! --- why can't we just let kids be ... kids? What the hell happened here?

Twisty from I Blame the Patriarchy has a great post on this, which inspired me to write this post. But Twisty does a much better job. And her title is funnier than mine. So go check it out.

Next, he'll start talking about how he's water and you're glue

Donald Rumsfeld is now telling people who are criticizing the war or "demanding" timelines should just "back off."

"You ought to just back off, take a look at it, relax, understand that it's complicated, it's difficult," Rumsfeld said regarding deadlines. "Honorable people are working on these things together. There isn't any daylight between them."

I see Rumsfeld's position as coming from a place of not only arrogance but, really, of desperation. Rumsfield tells us to just "back off" and "relax," and trust that people - nay, honorable people - are "working on these things."

Look. Establishing timelines is just good project management. It's not a sign of weakness. This war isn't about bringing democracy to the Middle East, or fighting terrorism, or whatever, but it's a desperate attempt for these American radicals to stay in power, plain and simple.

Timetables vs. Benchmarks

I only caught a few minutes of Bush's press conference this morning while getting ready for work. But what struck me was how he tried to differentiate between his plan surrounding the war in Iraq (more of the same) and the timetables (which are, apparently, unpatriotic, defeatist, and --- Jah forbid --- logical) that the Democrats have been clamoring for all along.

Bush said that we'd stay in Iraq until the job is done, and that while the overall strategery is the same, he says that he's been making little tweaks here and there with regard to tactics --- seemingly to address criticisms of his foolish steadfastness and "staying the course" (which I guess now he's saying he never said - whatever).

Oh, now he's going to try to flip the script? What convenient timing.

So now that the election is coming soon, the Rovian camp is trying to give people just enough of this somewhat "new" Bush to make people who are on the fence think, well, he looks like he's trying to be a little more flexible. While the Rovian machine is introducing new catch phrases ("we're changing tactics," "don't leave until the job is done," and now openly admitting that he's "unhappy" with how things are going, Bush still insists we're winning.

What?

So yeah, maybe Bush concedes that he's not exactly thrilled how things are going. Wonderful. And maybe he's using the phrase "change tactics" to make people think he's approaching Iraq more strategically. But he's also made it clear that he doesn't see troops withdrawing from there any time soon. Is Bush still trying to win this war on semantics?

Say it with me now (in your best zombie voice):

Benchmarks, good. Timetables, bad.

Anyway, Glenn Greenwald has some great commentary on this. Check it out.

I know famous people and stuff.

A girl I know from grad school is celebrating the byline she got for this People magazine article.

Congrats, Missy!

(Props to Jonesey at Jones of the Nile for the heads up.)

Project Runway Afterthought

I watched Bravo's rebroadcast of the final Project Runway episode again yesterday, and I take it all back: I think Uli should have won.

And a question in the back of my mind still lingers: Has Project Runway jumped the shark? I mean, think of all of the pointless drama, non-episodes, text-messaging crawl, ringtone downloads, and the now-borderline cliche catchprase, "Make it work". Hmm ... say it ain't so, Bravo.

Kerry Lauerman of Salon writes:

Is [Project Runway] a show designed to discover new talent, as it claims, or to simply elevate experienced designers who can't snag seed money from LVMH on their own?

Which is exactly what I have been asking all along. I mean, I'll still watch, but will all of my rooting for the underdog be in vain, as we know in the back of our minds that the prize may inevitably go toward the already-established, small-scale fashion house (e.g. Lot 8, Cosa Nostra)?

Project Runway After Party

Episode 14: The Finale, aka Better Living Through Fashion
Oh. Mah. Gah. Tonight’s the night of the final runway show, and finally we can put an end to all of this drama and get to see what all Project Runway fans come to see: The clothes!

Last episode (when I was so rudely interrupted by Real Life and Everything that Comes With It), we saw the clash between Laura and Jeffery, and the question surrounding Jeffery’s collection and whether or not he outsourced his garment construction. He’s freaked out that he won’t be able to show at Bryant Park, and rightly so.

This week’s episode brings us to a day and a half before the final runway show. Laura, Michael, and Uli are feverishly putting the finishing touches on their garments while Jeffery steps out onto the balcony. Jeffery thinks that Laura is questioning his integrity, and I have to agree – by questioning the integrity of his work, you do question his integrity as a designer. Duh.

Tim calls Jeffery and asks him to call Park Pleating to get a copy of the receipt for his daisy duke shorts. Jeffery is worried that he won’t be able to get it, because that shop is so unorganized:

“It’s like Sanford & Son over there.”

Ha! Call Jeffery what you want, but that man is funny as hell.

The next day, Jeffery is on pins and needles, thinking that he’ll be disqualified, so he starts making a skirt, just in case he can’t get a receipt for the shorts. Smart move. Prove Laura wrong.

Man, I’m starting to root for Jeffery here. WTF?

Tim comes in and asks the designers to gather around him. He’s got an announcement to make, and the furrow in his brow worries me. He tells the designers that after a thorough discussion with the producers, Tim says that he is convinced that Jeffery has done the work himself. Jeffery is relieved, and bursts into tears. The outsourcing he did was legal, but since he can’t find the receipt for the daisy dukes, he can’t show them. Tim tells him he is over budget by about $228, so he has to remove something from the collection. Tim also has to tell the judges that he is over budget. No biggie. Jeffery decides to get rid of those damn blonde wigs he has to bring him back under budget. And can I say, praise Jah for that. I saw enough wigs and weaves on this season of Flavor of Love!

But I digress.

Laura says that the solution was a great compromise and that she never meant to get him kicked off. Sure you didn’t, Mrs. Park Avenue. (Still love you though, girl!)

Tomorrow’s the runway show, and everybody is so pumped up. Tim calls the designers for one last “gather ‘round,” and Tim gives them a very emotional pep talk. He tells them they’re all winners and that tomorrow will be a great day. I love Tim Gunn.

The designers get up at 4:15 a.m. the day of the runway show, and Laura is killing me in her black cocktail dress so early in the morning. The woman never lets up. Michael tries to find his happy place. Uli says it’s the biggest day of her life.

Even just walking into the tent proves to be an overwhelming experience for them. Michael feels like he’s come full circle. Laura struts her stuff on the catwalk. Jeffery finds the invisible chip on his shoulder compelling him to “prove himself.” Honestly Jeffery, cut yourself some slack. Two words: Cosa Nostra. Hel-lo. I'd say your work is already done.

Then Bravo pans over to the Elle goodie bags, and I find myself totally wanting one. You know what kind of first-class swag you get in those things, right? I’m all about the freebies. I wouldn’t go so far as to call myself a swag whore, but let’s just say I’m never one to turn away a gift. Ahem. Anyway.

On to the runway!

Chaos ensues backstage – last-minute hair decisions are made, models get spackled with makeup, designers start to get frazzled. Just another day in the life at Fashion Week!

Fern Mallis, the creator of OFW herself and vice president of ING fashion is the guest judge, along with regular judges Michael Kors and NINAGARCIA. Oh yeah, and Heidi.

Jeffery’s first. He’s still working the deconstructionist angle, but it looks a lit more polished and refined. I don’t know if it’s the music (which sounds a little like Barry Manilow on the trip-hop tip), but I look at Jeffery’s collection and I’m like, “eh.” There’s even what I perceive to be an Uli-inspired print dress (a flop, the judges tell us later). I do have to say, that striped dress with the funky zipper seams looks much better now that I see it on the model. And I totally am coveting the matching purse (the green striped one that he used with another outfit). During the final walk, Jeffery resists The Corny and decides not to carry Harrison with him down the runway. Thanks for not becoming a cliché.

Uli’s next. Seriously, who picks the music for these runway shows? Uli voiceovers that her clothing was inspired by the safari, but the music sounded more like Candyland (the game) on some cracked-out techno acid trip. As to be expected, Uli has designed a few recognizable pieces, but as a whole it was very light on prints. I’m liking her collection so far, but that’s probably because it appeals to my taste more than Jeffery’s collection did. And that’s not to say anything bad about Jeffery.

Wait, I think I just saw Brandy in the audience. Have you heard the rumor that she’s dating Michael? Say it with me: Oh HELL no.



HELLS NO.

Speaking of who’s in the audience, this season designers are all in the house, along with Chloe and Daniel V. from Season 2. Chloe’s got the digital camera in hand, getting some ideas for next year’s Lot 8 collection.

I kid!

We break for commercial, and Collier Strong is back, giving us one last smokey eye lesson. I swear, I’ll get it right some day! I’ll make Collier proud, by god.

Laura’s next and cracks a joke about her “making it big in the fashion world,” pointing to her prego belly. Silly girl. To the sounds of some crazy circus polka, her besparkled models traipse down the runway. Laura tells us that she's on a mission to remind American women to take better care of themselves and make their lives better through fashion. As to be expected, her collection is very elegant, refined, and so what I'd wear on a night out where you might run into the mayor or something. Or the opera. I don’t really have anything to say about this collection – it’s pretty formal, although we know that Laura would probably wear the dress with the feathers to Whole Foods, or maybe around the house, cleaning up turtle poop. There are a few plunging v-necklines, but thankfully kept to a minimum.

Clutch the pearls, they saved Michael for last. His collection is called “street safari,” for that woman who is "on the hunt to find out who she is." Brandy cracks that big grin of hers (ugh), and I’m already pissed. Michael has the best music, though, thank Jah. Ooh: There’s a kimono-sleeved wrap top that I am absolutely IN LOVE with. J’adore. Totally. Somebody buy me that for my birthday. There’s a lot of white in the collection, a color which we already know Michael loves. In looking at the Getty images from a few weeks ago, I wasn’t all that impressed with Michael’s collection. I change my mind now, seeing them brought to life on the runway His clothes are sexy hot. I don’t know how I feel about the bathing suits, but whatever.

Did I just see Danielle, Andrae’s model from last season walking down the runway?

Oh. And I totally am coveting Michael’s models’ earrings. Want. Them. Now.

So backstage and after the show, Project Runway gathers soundbites from former cast members, industry people, and that freakin’ Brandy, who says that she “loves” Michael’s collection. Of course you do.

And before you accuse me of being a Michael groupie (which I am, sorta), my disdain for Brandy precedes Project Runway, alright? I don’t want to hear comments.

Sidebar: I still think Santino wins the prize for the best runway music.

On to the judging! The judges thought each show was exciting and fantastic and loved how everyone had a different point of view. I agree. This season may have been the corniest in terms of dramatizing, but this season’s group of designers probably produced some of the more consistently solid and unique garments I’ve seen so far (of course, with a few exceptions from past seasons).

The judges say that based on the budget given, her collection looked much more expensive. Fern, thank Jah, says it’s fine to be as focused as Laura is in her design aesthetic. I agree. Focus is good.

Michael says that the competition gave him some clarity about who he was, and that inspired his collection. Fern says it was clear he was the crowd favorite but that the collection didn’t match that. Kors thinks he went over the top, NINAGARCIA says there’s a “fine line,” but Michael says he wanted to come on strong. The best thing though was that his collection showed range. And isn’t that important anymore?

Jeffery’s collection is based on Japanese ghosts and demons and nightmares or something. Kors says that he dressed his women at every juncture in their lives, and what he meant by that was “going to the movies” and “going to a party.” Here I am thinking he was talking about age. Heidi brings up the fact he went over budget by $200 or something. After chucking the wigs, now he’s $400 under budget. Those are some damn expensive wigs, yo.

Uli wanted to show she could do more than colors and prints. NINAGARCIA says that while the clothes are terrific and will sell (“they do!” Uli says), she says she can “to this too.” Heidi loved every dress. Kors felt the connective thread was disjointed, or a “story.” Screw that “telling a story” through clothes. Uli continues to represent Miami and, sort of mockingly, says that maybe she should move to New York to better understand the design aesthetic of Michael Kors. Thankfully, Fern tells her to stop that nonsense way of thinking!

NINAGARCIA shares with us that after the show, many people approached her, asking them, “how can we get in touch with Uli?”

As if we had any doubt any of these designers wouldn’t be working in the industry after this show.

It’s between Uli and Jeffery as far as who the winner’s going to be. Heidi says Jeffery’s collection was innovative, cohesive, and really showed his range. Then she says that Uli pushed herself and made a beautiful collection that every woman would want to wear.

Jeffery wins Project Runway! Marilinda gets the Elle spread.

And somewhere out there, Angela’s in the corner, curled up in the fetal position, bemoaning Jeffery’s victory.

(Photo lifted from Crunk & Disorderly.)

Perhaps they'll let them play video games instead

A Massachusetts school has banned "tag" and other chase games during recess.

No, I'm totally serious.

Why? Because school officials are afraid the kids will get hurt and sue, making the school vulnerable to litigation and possible financial ruin.

Recess is "a time when accidents can happen," said Willett Elementary School Principal Gaylene Heppe, who approved the ban.

While there is no districtwide ban on contact sports during recess, local rules have been cropping up. Several school administrators around Attleboro, a city of about 45,000 residents, took aim at dodgeball a few years ago, saying it was exclusionary and dangerous.

Elementary schools in Cheyenne, Wyoming, and Spokane, Washington, also recently banned tag during recess. A suburban Charleston, South Carolina, school outlawed all unsupervised contact sports.

"I think that it's unfortunate that kids' lives are micromanaged and there are social skills they'll never develop on their own," said Debbie Laferriere, who has two children at Willett, about 40 miles south of Boston. "Playing tag is just part of being a kid."

Another Willett parent, Celeste D'Elia, said her son feels safer because of the rule. "I've witnessed enough near collisions," she said.

This is the most absurd, paranoid, and short-sighted thing I have ever heard. Has our society become so litigious that schools are now afraid of letting kids be ... kids? Not to mention the obesity epidemic. Let the kids run off that can of soda their parents packed in their lunch, or the chips they bought from the vending machine in the hallway.

Secondly, I hope I never become a paranoid mother, like Mrs. What's-her-face.

(Props to Cecilia for the link.)

What are you doing on Thursday?

If you're free, come join my fellow BARBARians at Ben & Nick's in Rockridge around 6ish and talk about liberal fucking bullshit over a few beers.

Or you can come sit by me and talk about anything but politics. Ha.

Click here for more info.

And I thought I had a big mouth

Assemblywoman Bonnie Garcia is getting parents all riled up because of her admitted boner for Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger:

(AP) LA QUINTA, Calif. Teachers aides and parents are angry about Assemblywoman Bonnie Garcia allegedly telling students at La Quinta High School that she wouldn't kick Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger out of her bed.

Garcia says she was joking, and that the question and answer period at La Quinta High School was light-hearted and casual.

Babylove, there are just some things you don't joke about in mixed company. Wanting to knock boots with The Terminator is one of them. Eww.


(Props to the folks at SFist for the heads up.)

Backgrounder on the North Korea situation

Need more background on North Korea and U.S. foreign policy that has led us up to this point? Namely, what did Bill Clinton's administration do or not do - and what did Dubya's administration do or not do - to cause North Korea to become such a mess?

Hilzoy at Obsidian Wings has a great analysis about the whole thing - namely Bush's inability to enforce his own ultimatums with regard to Kim Jong Il:

We allowed North Korea to take an irrevocable step that made any future attempts to control its nuclear weapons program vastly more difficult. Moreover, we laid down a line, we let it be crossed, and then we did nothing. In so doing, we forfeited our credibility. And that really is a foreign policy disaster. It ought to be completely unacceptable.

And yet, we looked the other way and pursued Iraq with the tenacity of a raging bull. Bush's inability to resolve even the internal conflicts within his own administration is symptomatic of his inability to foster smart foreign policies. Moreover:

While Bush has allowed disagreements within his administration to fester unresolved, and while the anti-negotiation camp has scuttled any number of diplomatic initiatives, North Korea has been reprocessing spent fuel into uranium and building nuclear weapons, and we have done nothing whatsoever to stop them. In so doing, we have completely destroyed our own credibility: after having said that we would not tolerate a North Korea with nuclear weapons, we barely responded when they went ahead and started to make them. North Korea called our bluff, and we folded.

Now we face the delightful prospect of one of the world's most loathsome and nutty dictators having nuclear weapons. Moreover, this particular dictator is known for his willingness to sell arms to anyone and everyone. Nothing whatsoever suggests that he would not sell nuclear weapons to Osama bin Laden.

Just read.

Today's U.N. approval of sanctions against North Korea are supposed to help the situation by punishing Kim Jong Il and his actions regarding nuclear testing, but will it be a case of "too little, too late"?


(Props to Glenn Greenwald at Unclaimed Territory for the heads up.)

What Madonna wants, Madonna gets. But at what price?

Madonna's recent adoption of a child from an orphanage in Malawi has drawn criticism from activists because it is illegal for foreign nationals to adopt a Malawi child. However, Madonna's been granted a special waiver to circumvent the law.

Don't get me wrong - I think it's great that Madonna wants to give a child from a third-world country a better life, but does the fact that she's a celebrity make her above the law? And what about the 14,000 or so children put up for adoption every year in this country alone? Wouldn't it make more sense to adopt a kid from here? To me, there's also something a bit unsettling about a celebrity "shopping around" at orphanages around the world to find a kid to adopt, like it's a puppy at the pound or something.

And since when did international adoptions become in vogue? (Pun intended.)

I guess we have Mia Farrow to thank, and most recently, Angelina Jolie. But somehow, their work at the U.N. makes their international adoptions make some kind of sense. But Madonna? What has she done that hasn't seemed ... trendy?

Because 2D is just as good as 3D, apparently

I thought this was a joke when I read it on esteemed BARBARian colleague King of Zembla's blog, but alas, it's not:

It is one of the hardest things about being a military family. How to cope when a husband and father, or wife and mother, is posted abroad, especially to combat zones such as Iraq or Afghanistan.

Now the United States army has come up with a bizarre solution: Flat Daddy and Flat Mommy.

Many military units can provide families with a life-size cardboard cutout of their overseas warrior. The family can then take that figure to parties, put it in the passenger seat of their car, take it to bed or do whatever it is that families want to with a replica of their loved one.

[...]

From there the idea took off and has been adopted by units across America. They can be found going on dates with their wives in Alaska and having dinner with their families in Colorado.

Experts believe the cutouts are a useful psychological device, especially for children, that helps cope with the stress of long absences. It allows the family to genuinely feel the missing person is still involved in day-to-day life.

I bet I could make a bundle making Flat Boyfriend/Flat Girlfriend. Or maybe I could create a cardboard cutout of myself. You know, for those days where I want to play hooky from work.

I bet Gavin thinks it's funny as hell, too.

Heh heh. Check this out. Apparently, I'm a retard.

I still think it sounds like a porn star name. And if I have to explain to you why this is funny, seek help.



(Props to fellow BARBARian Seamus at Rangelife for the laugh this morning.)

Project Runway After Party

Episode 13: Season Finale, Part One aka How Mags had to "Make It Work" this week
I've been super busy planning this three-day event for work, and its success made all the long hours I've been working worthwhile this week. This means that I wasn't able to be in a place where I could properly watch Project Runway (they didn't have Bravo in the hotel room - WTF?). Plus, I just couldn't see myself sitting and watching the TV typing away on my laptop, when all I wanted to do was sleep.

However, I did manage to persuade the manager of the hotel's bar to find the Bravo channel so I could at least watch the show. Not that I could hear anything that was being said, mind you, but I made a brave attempt to do so while sipping on a delicious sidecar with my boss and co-workers. One thing I did succeed in doing was mildly pissing off a few people who were mesmerized by CNN's coverage of that plane that crashed into an NYC building. But, I mean, there were two other TVs in that bar turned to the same station. Couldn't they have spared one for my weekly pop culture boost?

I have needs that must be fulfilled, you know.

In any case, our friends at BPR have collected this week's early recaps, as always. When Tiff's and Four Four's recaps come up, check them out. Aside from my own, their recaps are my favorites!

And tell 'em Mags sent cha.

Next Wednesday is part two of the season finale (Was the Jeffery-outsourcing-his-work rumor ever resolved? I couldn't hear the outcome.)

Anyway, I'll have my season finale up next week. Stay tuned!

North Korea, part 2

Hold the fuck up. I remember reading in one of the blogs yesterday that Doughbly Rove was talking about an "October Surprise."

Could North Korea be it? If so, here's another opportunity for Dems to take a play from the GOP playbook and flip it on Bush. It's because of his failed diplomacy that we're in this situation. Totally distracted (read: obsessed) with Iraq. Now look what happened.

Dud schmud, it's still nukular.

I'm in the midst of Hell Week at work, so I can't even begin to tell you how much the North Korea nuclear test (and the repercussions from it) freaks me out on so many angles.

So check these posts instead, from other bloggers, whom I lerv:

• Carpetbagger: The bomb may have been a dud, but it also highlights how much of a dud the Bush Administration has been since the beginning.
• Americablog: In case you forgot the mid-term elections were coming up. Good to know the GOP doesn't politicize everything. Oh yeah, and this administration is expert in diplomacy. NOT!
• FDL: You guessed it: More stupidity!
• Rising Hegemon: President Jughead!
• Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Nachos: Exactly.

Triple F

This recent story in the L.A. Times about Disgraced Congressman Mark "Maf54" Foley annoys me for two reasons:

First, it's the first story I've seen that people will use to "prove" that Foley did not have sex with underage pages. I'm sure some people will also use this story to dismiss accusations that Foley is a pedophile, because, you know, it's totally professional and appropriate to IM the pages asking them if you make them a little horny or if they have boners as long as you don't act on it. The story quotes Maf54 saying, "I always knew you were a player but I don't fool around with pages." Does that take Foley off the hook for being a sexual predator? I don't think so.

Second, the emphasis in this story on the fact that Foley is gay, and the disparaging nickname (Triple F) the pages gave him, does nothing to dispel the homophobia that runs rampant in conservative circles. In fact, this whole article seems to say that yeah, Foley wasn't a pedophile, but he was a closeted gay congressman, and hell, isn't that worse? The encounter in this story happened between two consenting adults (the page says he was 21 when the sex occurred), but because it's gay sex, and even though the sex occurred ostensibly years after this ex-page finished the high school program, it's "newsworthy." But let's not forget that the inappropriate conversations with pages still occurred while Foley was serving as a congressman.

As I mentioned before, this is the way many conservative people (and bloggers) are already thinking. And, as a gay-friendly straight woman, I find this kind of thinking particularly dangerous because it seeks to scapegoat a specific group of people to blame for an individual's unethical, unprofessional, and just plain sick behavior. I mean seriously, that's what's happening here. It seems a simple enough concept. However, some disgusting wankers (ahem, Matt Drudge, ahem) are taking another scapegoating angle, trying to blame the pages for somehow encouraging Foley's deviant behavior.

When the next GOP scandal erupts, which poor group of people will be held up for scrutiny that time?

Sidebar: The age of consent in D.C. is 16? Eww.

(Thanks to L.W. from Calitics for the link. Also cross-posted at Bring It On!)

My Dead Celebrity Soulmate

I love those internet quizzes that help you find out important things about yourself, like "Which 80's Brat Pack Character/Swingers/Napoleon Dynamite character are you?" or "What kind of kisser are you?"

So when I saw this "Who's your Dead Celebrity Soulmate" quiz from Generik's blog, you just KNOW I had to go for it.

I got Vincent Van Gogh, Rudolph Valentino, and Edgar Allan Poe. Fuckin' trip.



Wanna try? Click here.

Project Runway After Party

Episode 12: Reunion
Oh, Lawdy. It’s the reunion episode. Aside from the Olympus Fashion Week episode, the reunion shows are always my favorite. This is when 15 designers stop being polite and start getting … REAL.

Oh, wait. Wrong reality show. Moving on:

At first, we see Kayne, Vincent, Stacey, Kate, Bradley, Bonnie, Malan, Angela, Robert, and Alison. They discuss being recognized on the street now that the season has been on the air. Bonnie brings up how one day she was chillin' around town and some fan asked her if she was from Project Runway. Bonnie's started to catch that celebrity vibe and was all, why yes, yes I was. So then this "fan" says, something like, I thought so - you sucked! What follows is Bonnie's response/recounting of the story, which, I'm sorry to say, is somewhat verbatim:

“I was like, omigah!”

And they were like, “eww!”

And I was like, "gag me!”

And they were all, "fer sher!"

And then I was like, “whatever, bitch!”

And then they were all like, "molded!"

And so it went.

A very pregnant Heidi (damn, that bitch is fertile!) and Tim introduce the finalists, fraulein Uli Herzner, Michael, Jeffery, and a very pregnant Laura. There’s a little bit of mutual admiration of the pregos between Laura and Heidi.

Someone asks Laura if she owns a pair of jeans (She doesn't). She wears riding pants if she ever wants to go casual. The better to stay off that slippery slope, m'dear.

They go over a brief recap of last week’s announcement of the winners.

Sidebar: Is Michael wearing a grill? Or are they braces?

The other contestants are supportive of the “Final Four” idea. Jeffery (with a way better haircut, actually) says – quite diplomatically, I have to say – that it could have been any of them in the Final Four.

They bring out Keith, who talks about how his friends have reacted to him. But first, let’s relive the pain and show a clip of the episode where Keith gets disqualified and kicked off the show. Alison starts tearing up, I think. Or her nose starts running, I can’t decide.

Heidi asks the designers if they thought the decision was fair, and everyone pretty much agreed that it was.

“Obviously you can see in my eyes I’m upset,” Keith says, trying to intimidate Heidi and Tim with his piercing stare. It doesn’t work, though.

Keith says that he doesn’t remember reading the fact that you couldn’t have books/magazines/whatever in the contract, but everyone speaks up, especially Stacey (isn’t she a lawyer?). Keith says that the books were removed a week before that whole conflict began, and then they were returned to his room a week later.

“Uncomfortable, isn’t it?” Basically, implying it was a set-up or conspiracy. “I don’t know how they [the books] got into my room.”

Don't even.

Then they bring up the fact he left production for a few hours. Keith explains that his reason was that he wanted to cut out because things were being hectic. He said a PA pointed to the door.

Everyone rolls their eyes and Uli says that you couldn’t so much take a piss without being followed by cameras.

They transition to commercial, and Keith’s all, “Yeah, I thought so.” Like he won that argument or something.

The next segment talks about Tim Gunn’s vocabulary. For example: Are you familiar with the term faux bois? I guess it's French for "fake wood." Not to be confused with foie gras, or "fatty goose liver," which I thought he said at first. From thence, I began to drool. Screw animal cruelty. Foie gras rocks. But I digress.

I have deep admiration for a man who uses sturm und drang in everyday conversation. He could have thrown in a few schadenfreudes in a few conversations and I'd be all over him like a fleurchon explosion from Jubilee Jumbles. But, I kid!

A viewer asks if Tim Gunn designs clothing. He doesn’t, but he Tim tells us that he paints, sculpts, etc. Again, who knew?

On to everyone else's “idiosyncratic lexicons”!

• Laura: “serious ugly”
• Robert: “boring”
• Vincent: “turns me on”
• Now-Beardless Bradley: random noises/sound effects/beat boxing

Someone asks, What was it like to work with Tim? They all love Tim, he's a mentor, blah blah blah.

They discuss Vincent’s various disparaging comments about his fellow designers from EW.com, and Tim’s blog. First off, Vincent says that the show was full of “amateurs,” as in “not up to that level of design.”

“I think Vincent’s delusional,” Laura says.

No arguments here, girlfriend.

Vincent talks about certain prerequisites to becoming a great designer or something. The rest of the designers get on him because of the “amateur” comment, and Vincent does a simultaneous backtrack while standing by his original statement – the likes never before seen outside of the Bush Administration! But, I digress …

Kayne talks a million miles a minute. And we love him for that.

Sidebar: Bravo’s “Sound Auf” text-message campaign? CORNY. Don’t even play along, y’all. I don’t even want to read any kind of crawl on my screen during Project Runway, alright?

Malan talks about the support he’s received from fans since he got kicked off the show. He talks about being gay when he was young and about the lack of support he got from family. They talk about his accent and Malan’s laugh.

Sidebar to Malan: You're still one of my buddies on MySpace, Boo. But I had to unsubscribe from your blog, because it was too uplifting and loving for me. Sorry. Love you, mean it!

And while we're on the subject of Malan, I gotta say: I had no idea his laugh sounded so … sinister. So … conniving. So … so …

“Cary Grant meets Eddie Muster.”

Yes, that’s it. Thanks, Robert!

Alison says that the Doggie challenge was her favorite, while Katherine’s in the back all making a sour face and looking like, “fuck that.” You know. Since that’s the one she got kicked off on. Ahem. Awkward much?

The Mom challenge, everyone agrees, was a difficult challenge. Angela’s getting pissed off. They discuss Jeffery and Darlene, Angela’s mom. Let’s relive the pain with a clip, because we love picking at scabs!

Jeffery says that he never intended to make Darlene cry. Jeffery’s issue is that Darlene never told him that she didn’t like the dress, so basically, she would have gone down the runway and then told the judges that she hated the dress. I think Jeffery's saying that the process could have been a bit more collaborative. (Oh, really?) I can see his point, though – Darlene said she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Angela is still pissed, and understandably so. Laura said that Darlene took the challenge personally. Robert says that Jeffery didn’t handle the situation correctly, which I agree with. I mean, you just don't get nasty with a client, hel-LO. Angela says that they could have been friends under different circumstances. Jeffery’s like, whatever, and monkeys might fly out of my butt.

Angela set herself up for that one, I’m sorry.

Vincent’s incident with the producers – previously unseen footage!

Apparently the producers do the designers’ laundry. Jeffery’s pissed that they did his laundry. Vincent totally raising his voice, acting a straight up diva! Vincent wears $125 shirts? Honey, please. Lighten up – it’s just fashion!

On to commercial!

You know, no matter how many times I’ve seen L’oreal’s Collier Strong show us how to do the smoky eye, I still can’t get it to come out right.

We come back from commercial and Heidi announces that Michael is the Bravo fan favorite, and he won $10K just for that! Michael Kors and NINAGARCIA come out with those big, corny poster checks, too! Yay, Michael!

At this point, Heidi, Michael, and NINAGARCIA talk about the judging process. I think this is the equivalent of that part on the Academy Awards when the accountants come out and talk about the counting of ballots, or whatever they count at the Academy Awards. Blah, blah, blah.

Ooh, but now the designers get to ask for feedback on past decisions!

Angela asks if she didn’t bust out with the "Jubilee Jumbles" story, would it have mattered. Angela. Seriously. N-O. Heidi said that everything about her outfit was “hoochie.” Well Heidi, I guess that's one way to put it.

Kayne asks about his couture dress – was it just the fabric? What was so over the top about it, because he's received tons of fan mail saying that the dress was awesome? Kors basically said that his exuberance needed to be tempered. But he sort of implied that Kayne will always have an audience. Just not Park Avenue.

They ask Alison about the recycling challenge in which whe was elminated. Alison says that she has moved on, but she did realize that when it came down the runway, that it didn’t look so great. I still liked the dress - as avant garde as it was - but in retrospect, she could have lost the bowtie made out of hair.

Laura asks the judges if they ever thought they made a wrong decision. Kors says no. Heidi says it was hard enough coming up with a decision in the first place.

On to the blooper reel:

• The fire alarm goes off during the Zac Posen episode.
• During the Final Four challenge, Jeffery’s model almost fainted. Further back in the show, Katherine and Kayne’s model, the chatterbox girl, also caught the vapors a few times. Three words, girls: Eat. A. Sandwich. Damn heffas.
• Jeffery farts. A lot.

I think Keith actually cracked a smile during the farting clip. Cool.

Heidi asks everyone to weigh in on who they think is going to win. They even ask former Project Runway designer contestants like Jay McCarrol (Michael Knight) and Chloe Dao. Lil' Chlo thinks that he’s the black version of herself. Daniel Franco thinks that Laura will win, because she’ll make a great CEO. I forgot what Kara (Season 2) and Robert (Season 1) thought, because Chloe cracked me up with that comment and I couldn't hear the TV over my snorting.

Who do I think is going to win the competition this season? I really don’t know, but the clip of Jeffery's Laura’s son trying to hand turtle poop to Tim Gunn is PRICELESS!

Stop the presses!

According to this article in the HuffPo, Katie Holmes actually went somewhere without her conjoined twin-slash-husband, Tom Cruise. The photo above is of paparazzi climbing over each other for photo documentation of this Haley's Comet-like event.

We now return to our more-important, paparazzi-free lives, already in progress ...

And besides, I have a Project Runway recap to write.

(Photo credit: JustJared.com.)

This must be that "crazy liberal media" at work again

Sweet Jesus, doesn't anyone PROOFREAD anymore? Honestly. It's these kinds of fact errors that would earn us F's in J-school. Make no mistake about it, Mark "Maf54" Foley is a member of the GOP. Thanks.





(Photos courtesy of Crooks and Liars.)

Mark Foley: I'm a victim too, man!

Disgraced Representative Mark "Maf54" Foley is apparently now not only an alcoholic, but now he's a victim of molestation by a clergyman, too. Oh yeah, and he's out, too:

Attorney David Roth said Foley was molested between ages 13 and 15. He declined to identify the clergyman or the church, but Foley is Roman Catholic.

He also acknowledged for the first time that the former congressman is gay, saying the disclosure was part of his client's "recovery."

"Mark Foley wants you to know he is a gay man," Roth told reporters as Republicans struggled with fallout from Foley's resignation.

Foley "does not blame the trauma he sustained as a young adolescent for his totally inappropriate e-mails" and instant messages, Roth said. "He continues to offer no excuse whatsoever for his conduct."

Whatevs. Sorry, but I still question the timing of these disclosures. And it doesn't make me any more sympathetic to his plight.

Somewhere within my disgust at this entire Foley situation, I find Foley's defense/PR/whatever strategy pretty similar to the whole GOP defense/PR/whatever strategy regarding the War on Terr. Saudi terrorists slam jumbo jets into buildings? Let's bomb Iraq. A government official is revealed to be a Pederast-American, you say? Why, a few weeks in rehab for alcoholism's just the ticket.

The GOP: The Party of Cognitive Dissonance.

Oh yeah, and P.S.: Foley is a sexual predator, a pedophile, a pederast. That he's coming out as "gay" is incidental. In other words, as other astute bloggers have pointed out, way to fan the flames of homophobia there, fuckos.

It's so not about The Gay, people. Seriously.

But then again, some people just refuse to see it any other way.

And furthermore: The aftermath of Foleygate continues to bring forth The Sleaze. Freakin' A.

Oh yeah, and: The Editors at The Poor Man Institute have the truth behind those salacious IMs with Maf54 anyway.

Someone, please, remind me what country I'm in

If you happen to see Dick "Sith Lord" Cheney giving some face time in your neighborhood, you might want to think twice before telling him to go fuck himself. Just check out what happened to Denver resident Steve Howards:

On June 16, Steve Howards was walking his 7-year-old son to a piano practice, when he saw [Vice President Dick] Cheney surrounded by a group of people in an outdoor mall area, shaking hands and posing for pictures with several people.

According to the lawsuit filed at U.S. District Court in Denver, Howards and his son walked to about two-to-three feet from where Cheney was standing, and said to the vice president, "I think your policies in Iraq are reprehensible," or words to that effect, then walked on.

Ten minutes later, according to Howards' lawsuit, he and his son were walking back through the same area, when they were approached by Secret Service agent Virgil D. "Gus" Reichle Jr., who asked Howards if he had "assaulted" the vice president. Howards denied doing so, but was nonetheless placed in handcuffs and taken to the Eagle County Jail.

The lawsuit states that the Secret Service agent instructed that Howards should be issued a summons for harassment, but that on July 6 the Eagle County District Attorney's Office dismissed all charges against Howards.

My highly esteemed BARBARian colleague, King of Zembla, draws an interesting parallel. Go check it out.

Bananas, man. Freakin' bananas.