(aka, “Hello Bravo? Just a bit of feedback: Your website ruined my joy tonight!”)
Before I start this recap, I just want to share with you a little tip: Don’t check BravoTV.com before the show airs. I found out who got The Auf before the opening credits ended. Grr. But like the good blogger I am, I’m going to make it work, dammit.
So the show begins, and Heidi brings out their models, all of whom are rocking crazy hairstyles. The folks at the Tressemme hair room look like they’ve gone crazy with the crimping iron!
The designers re-pick their models. Yadda yadda. Two models end up getting kicked out – one with a non-hairstyle, and the second one with dreads. I bet the second one is hating the fact that they basically locked her hair up for nothing. That's going to be a bitch to untangle, girl!
The challenge: Design an avant-garde garment based on your model’s hairstyle.
Time: 2 days
Back in the workroom, Tim tells them the look, since it's supposed to be avant garde, doesn’t have to be realistic, or even wearable. This should be great then. I'm looking at you, Chris.
He also tells them they have to work in teams. Ouch. The teams are:
- Kit and Ricky (Team "I don't have a clever name")
- Sweet P and Rami (Team Micromanage)
- Chris with Christian (Team Fierce)
- Victorya and Jillian (Team Bland)
Jillian tells us that she and Victorya’s Achille’s heel is time management. Normally, I’d take this to mean that one of them is going to get kicked off, but NOT THIS TIME, since BravoTV.com has seemed to forget that there are people on the West Coast who are watching the show right now who still like to be surprised.
Rami is growing frustrated with Sweet P because she’s taking forever making her pants, but Sweet P thinks he’s tripping out, because they’re like, almost done with the pants and some corset. I decide that Rami’s a little control freak, and a bit of a perfectionist. In another context, I’d usually view these as somewhat positive traits; but he’s starting to get on my girl Sweet P’s last nerve, so I’m a little on edge. He’s not even liking her idea of a bustle, for chrissakes. You'll regret this, Rami!
Tim comes back to the workroom with a special announcement: There will be another look walking down the runway. In other words, they have to re-conceptualize their avant garde look and translate it into something more commercial and ready-to-wear. This challenge is supposed to mimic The Real World of a Fashion Designer or something.
Christian wants to vomit. Jillian panics because they only have one day left, and they're a bunch of laggers. Ricky wants to be a hero, so he offers to make Garment #2 all by himself. Victorya presents symptoms that resemble morning sickness or something. Sweet P tries to explain a concept to Rami, but he blows her off because she doesn’t seem convinced, or because navy blue isn’t really “day.” Or something.
Tim gives the designers another $50, so they go back to Mood for more fabric. It seems like five minutes pass before Tim brings the models in for their fittings.
Ricky’s really optimistic about his and Kit’s apron dress. Surprisingly, he doesn't cry about it. Jillian’s freaking out because she remembers that Victorya has immunity for this challenge, so if the judges don’t like their garments, Jillian’s ass is out.
Christian demonstrates how the models should walk. If I walked like that, I’d dislocate my hip or throw my back out or something. But Christian, being all young and limber and such, works it like a champ.
Rami keeps nagging and micromanaging my girl Sweet P, so much so that she starts crying. I officially hate Rami now.
Tim brings in some guy from Tressemme to consult with the designers. Something about translating the avant-garde hairstyle into something you and I can do when we're rushing off to work and only have 10 minutes to spend on our hair. The winning team’s designs and hairstyles will appear in Elle magazine.
Pfft. Whatever. I already know who it's NOT going to be...
With four hours left to go, Tim checks in with Team Fierce, and is concerned with their ready-to-wear look, that it doesn’t translate well from the avant garde. He checks in with Kit and Ricky, questioning whether their garment is too costume-y. He questions whether Rami and Sweet P’s garment is avant garde enough. Tim's worried. At this point, Rami brings up the difficulties in their working relationship, as if that's any excuse. Team Bland hasn’t even started their second look yet. Hello? Four hours. Get it together, ladies! Jillian, switch your robot setting to turbo, honey!
At the sewing machine, Jillian actually has a human moment when she freaks out and almost bangs her head against an invisible wall.
On the day of the runway show, Jillian starts on the second garment. Seeing as how I ALREADY KNOW WHO GETS THE AUF, I’m not even excited about the prospect of Jillian the Robot getting kicked off for putting together a dress in what seems like an hour.
Hair and makeup. Yadda yadda.
Sidebar: Heidi’s runway dress with the asymmetrical ruched neckline? HOT. I totally want it.
Alberta Ferretti is tonight’s guest judge.
Let’s start the show!
Rami and Sweet P’s corset dress was pretty and edgy, but I thought the black pants underneath was incongruous to the rest of the outfit. I mean, it wasn't really avant garde; it was more like the model tried on that dress in the dressing room and never took off her pants.
Team Fierce’s “Angels in America”-meets-Auntie Mame-meets-Can Can was over the top in a delightful, theatrical way. I loved, loved, loved the multiple ruffles of 46 yards of fabric or whatever, thankyouverymuch. Christian’s RTW look was pretty much typical Christian with the pleating/ruffling down the middle.
Ricky and Kit’s dress looked like a big Cinderella hoop-skirted ballgown – that is, Cinderella before the ball. The RTW dress looked like something out of a Butterick pattern or something.
Team Bland’s jacket was perfect. So military. So punk rock. So ... Tartan. I thought Jillian's RTW dress didn’t match this theme at all. It was too cute and girly compared to the structured (dare I say it?) fierceness of the avant-garde look.
As expected (from the shows's editing and the fact that Bravo robbed me of any sense of suspense tonight), Sweet P and Rami's team and Ricky and Kit's team had the lowest scores.
Michael Kors said Team Fierce's dress was “heaven.” Very “soignée.” Don't make me look that up.
Team Bland says their look is along the lines of punk rock equestrian. Good to know I got that impression right away. NINAGARCIA didn’t really mind the RTW dress, and I think NINAGARCIA needs glasses. That dress was as boring as watching Victorya and Jillian flip a disc to decide who gets to be the team leader.
Rami tells Heidi that he was thinking of creating some kind of dichotomy between hard and soft with his garment. Kors thought Sweet P’s RTW dress was more forward-looking than Rami’s. Vindication for Sweet P, thank Jah. Sweet P, ever the diplomat, said that Rami really wanted to "take control of his design." You just know Sweet P wanted to roll her neck and be all like,
"Heidi, this bitch is crazy!"
Any damn way, Rami's counterargument to that was that she and he "work differently." Kors counters back, saying that the best design teams are usually those whose designers don’t see eye-to-eye to begin with. You know. Diversity of ideas, or something. So there.
Alberta Ferretti thinks Kit’s dress was a cheap Scarlet O’Hara. Heidi says it’s not well made. NINAGARCIA brings up the whole “If I were going to use this for Elle” argument, saying that this would not be something she’d pick.
And you know when NINAGARCIA starts on the whole "What Would Elle Magazine Do?" angle, girlfriend's serious.
During deliberations, Heidi shows some frustration at Rami, the draping wonder. She didn’t like how he threw Sweet P under the bus, and I think she wants to start seeing something new from him other than his signature, wonderfully draped evening gown. I couldn’t agree more.
Rami, you and your eyes had me at hello, but you and your ego lost me with your micromanagement of Sweet P. Sigh.
Kors wonders if Kat and Ricky even know what avant garde means. (And in case you don't, Dear Reader, click here.) NINAGARCIA said their garments were amateurish. Ouch.
Sidebar: Millionaires have a certification process? I’ve already decided that I will hate Bravo's “The Millionaire Matchmaker.” What is up with this network glorifying the lives of the bored, wealthy, and vapid? Leave that shit to M T V, for crying out loud.
Christian, as team leader, wins the challenge and gets immunity for the next challenge. He’s loving this win, because since he’s so young, he “doesn’t have much press yet.”
Kit, as team leader, is out.
But I knew that already.
Next week: Jillian is a bit of a drama queen. Who knew?