Episode 5: "What's the Skinny?"
(Or alternatively, "In Which Jillian Reveals to Us That She is a Robot")
Everyone’s bummed that Chris got kicked out on the last episode.
Jack tells us that he’s had several staph infections before, and that what he thought was a zit on his face might not be as inocuous as that at all.
Heidi comes out on the runway, spreads her legs and tells the designers that they’re going to meet their models. Except that they’re women wearing clothes that are several sizes too big. Turns out that each of these women have recently lost a “significant” amount of weight, and the clothes they’re wearing were their favorite outfits. Each woman introduces herself and how much weight they’ve lost. One woman lost 160 pounds. Holy. Mother. Of. Jah.
Of course, I’m jealous of them already.
Christian looks at the models and tells us that he’s going to die. Again.
Each model gets assigned a model, and they’re all hoping they don’t get the woman who’s wearing the super sized wedding dress, and I don’t quite understand why. I think I missed that tidbit while I was picking up my jaw off the ground after hearing how much weight these women lost.
The designers go back to the workroom to get more details from Tim, who tells them that they have until midnight to complete the challenge. But first, he reads aloud a note that Chris left behind while everyone cries.
The models come into the workroom and the designers consult with them on potential designs. Christian freaks out because his model doesn’t wear dresses, doesn’t like to show her arms, doesn’t like to wear prints and only wears pumps during lunar eclipses. Or something.
Steven begins to catalog all of the atrocious elements on the wedding dress. Acetate lace. Copious amounts of buttons. Lots of satin. He dry heaves at Mood.
At Mood, we notice that Jillian is, quite possibly, a robot. A soft-spoken robot.
Steven decides to f*ck effort and gets black stretchy fabric and to only use the wedding dress elements as trims. Uh oh.
Back to the workroom!
Jack’s face is starting to swell up, and he calls his doctor. He reminds us that he's been HIV-positive for 17 years. His viral load, I’m sure, is pretty low, and that staph infections could happen to anyone. His doctor tells him that he needs to pursue a more aggressive treatment tactic.
Tim comes in, as if by magic, and asks him how he’s doing. They come back and he calls a Gather Round. Jack tells them that he has to leave the show to get medical treatment. Everyone is upset and crying. They all say goodbye.
Not so much of the shocker I was expecting. Maybe because I was scooped last week. (You know who you are!)
We all know that Jack comes out of things well, since we’ve heard he started dating that guy from Top Chef!
Back in the workroom, Ricky’s trying on his model’s jeans to see how they look with pumps.
Sorry babe, you’re not getting on my good side, even with this cross-dressing tactic.
So, to fill the void left behind by Chris’ and Jack’s departures, they bring back … Chris! He gets Jack’s model and has the option of staying the night in the workroom to get his garment done.
He better cry and cut!
(P.S., I am going to try to work in that Zulema catch phrase in every recap.)
Chris tells us that he can particularly relate to this challenge since he’s been on every diet known to man and has probably lost about 1500 pounds. I hear you, sister!
Christian’s outfit – a fitted jacket – is looking quite awesome, actually. He seems to agree:
“It’s very fierce, Tim. It’s kind of a big deal.”
Tim warns Elisa that her look doesn’t reflect her client’s style.
Steven tells Tim that he doesn’t “do” white polyester satin.” Tim tells him he’s “very courageous” in his decision not to include the garment.
Tim advises Chris to avoid the costumey factor, and that some of the worst decisions Tim’s made have been at 3 a.m., which cracks everyone up.
Tim’s freaky deaky. Who knew?
Everyone goes home for the night, except Chris, who elects to stay and work through the night. That would totally suck if he got asked to come back to the show, only to get the boot again!
The next morning, the designers come back to the workroom and Chris is snoring on the couch. We also see Jillian walking into the workroom, expressionless. The woman is a robot. I’m convinced.
Hair and makeup. Yadda yadda.
Ricky cries while his model tells him that she hopes he does well.
The clock is ticking and Christian is freaking out. I have to say though, that his freaking out is pretty graceful, seeing as how he’s just flitting about the room. He finishes his garment with glue.
Y’all know what that means.
On to the runway!
This week’s guest judge is Patrick Robinson, head designer for GAP. I wonder how long he’s designed for GAP, as I haven’t bought anything from there since high school!
Christian, Elisa, Steven Jillian, Chris, and Kevin make it to critique.
Jillian, as Kors says, made a beautiful dress, but it didn’t incorporate a lot of fabric.
Elisa’s dress – sorry, “day trousseau” – was very … Elisa. I was a little bored by it. As a non-skinny person, the last thing I want to do is wear layers and layers of fabric. But, because the crunchy-granola-hippie-chick-space-cadet we all love to hate wanted layers, that’s what she got. The coolest part about the outfit is that her model gave us the Sign O’ the Beast before walking off.
She’s so hardcore!
Heidi notices that Jillian’s dress isn’t made out of the original garment; she just used the original garment for piping. But, overall, the judges loved the dress.
Kevin’s tube top was totally sexy and looked great on his model. His model absolutely loved it too. Kors hated the leggings. I did too.
Chris, the comeback kid” was very costumey, but he makes it to the next round. Kors likens it to Paris 1957 and warns him about falling into the cliché trap. All she needs is a beret, a baguette and one of those long-stemmed cigarette holder things.
Steven’s dress was “French maid at a funeral,” Kors says. He really didn’t take the opportunity to make something new out of that horrendous wedding dress.
Sidebar: Steven, why have this kind of snobbery about the fabric? The phrase “it’s a competition” has somewhat become clichéd nowadays, but it’s so true. Steven had a golden opportunity to showcase his skills as a designer here, but he got caught up in how much he hated the fabric, so much so that it stifled his creativity. You know the fabric is shit. The judges know the fabric was shit. If you had only went for it, the fabric would have been taken into consideration, I’m sure. But whatever.
Anyway. Back to the recap.
Christian wins the challenge. Christian’s garment, I thought, was one of the best. His jacket (I smell a theme here) was constructed beautifully, and the pleating along the whatchamacallit looked incredibly finished. Deconstructionist at the core. I totally want that jacket. He managed to keep his designer aesthetic while making a design that looked like something his model would actually buy.
Steven gets a well-deserved Auf. Jillian does the robot walk off of the runway.
See you next week!