Adventures in Bacon

I'm simultaneously enthralled and repulsed by this:

See it in all its glory here. Props to Kenneth for the link.

Are you sure that was a sausage?

BAM!

FRESNO, Calif. — A burglar who broke into a home just east of Fresno rubbed spices over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms and then used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man on the face and head before running out of the house, police said.

[...]

The victims, both farmworkers, told deputies they were awakened by a stranger applying spices to one of them and striking the other with a sausage.

If you were a burglar, and your burgle victims were ALREADY SLEEPING, why would you wake them up by rubbing spices on their face?


Props to Bellamomo for the link.

Bathing With Bierko: John Malkovich

Oh man. You gotta watch this. Interview show meets bath time.

Fucking fantastic.





Thanks to BYO for the link.

Now you know how it feels.

Some people find empathy in shared experiences; some find it after rubbing colloidal silver on their skin:

[Paul] Karason, who recently moved from Oregon to Madera, Calif., said it hasn't been easy living with blue skin.

"I do tend to avoid public places as much as I can," he said.

Karason made the move in hopes of fitting in a little better.

"I hope that they just accept me," he said, "And I think that will happen here. Where I was, I rather doubt it would have. This is different kind of community here."

Yeah, yeah. I linked to FOX News. They had the best picture.


(Photo credit: FNC)

Terrorists in the Bay Area?

I don't know for certain, but if there are, you can be sure those anti-terrorism experts are on top of it.

How, you ask?

By analyzing falafel sales in the Bay Area.

No, seriously. Because EVERYBODY KNOWS that if you eat falafel, you must be a terrorist.

Like Hansel and Gretel hoping to follow their bread crumbs out of the forest, the FBI sifted through customer data collected by San Francisco-area grocery stores in 2005 and 2006, hoping that sales records of Middle Eastern food would lead to Iranian terrorists.

The idea was that a spike in, say, falafel sales, combined with other data, would lead to Iranian secret agents in the south San Francisco-San Jose area.

The brainchild of top FBI counterterrorism officials Phil Mudd and Willie T. Hulon, according to well-informed sources, the project didn’t last long. It was torpedoed by the head of the FBI’s criminal investigations division, Michael A. Mason, who argued that putting somebody on a terrorist list for what they ate was ridiculous — and possibly illegal.

Stop the insanity!



(Props to The Carpetbagger for the heads up.)

iSmoke

The good folks at Blendtec put their Total Blender to the test using an iPhone as part of their regular segment, "Will It Blend?"

It's almost too painful to watch.

(Props to Stachmo for the link.)

UPDATE, 3:43 p.m.: Oh yeah, and don't use your iPhone outside in a thunderstorm.

Gay Bomb

The Pentagon confirmed the existence of an Air Force proposal to create a special type of chemical weapon that would disperse strong aphrodesiacs and hormones that would "cause homosexual behavior."

"The Ohio Air Force lab proposed that a bomb be developed that contained a chemical that would cause enemy soliders to become gay, and to have their units break down because all their soldiers became irresistably attractive to one another," Hammond said after reviwing [sic] the documents.

"The notion was that a chemical that would probably be pleasant in the human body in low quantities could be identified, and by virtue of either breathing or having their skin exposed to this chemical, the notion was that soliders would become gay," explained Hammond.

The Pentagon told CBS 5 that the proposal was made by the Air Force in 1994.

Firstly, do I even have to go into how stupid this is? Just like how you can't pray the gay away, you can't spray some love potion on somebody and >poof< make them gay.

However, some market-savvy inventor should jump on this idea, create a body spray and market it in a way that's similar to Axe that will make the gay menz swoon over each other. On second thought, gay men probably wouldn't buy it. All the ones I know are way more high-end than that, and would probably balk at the idea of buying a cologne from the drug store. But you know, this could be an option for the bois on a budget.

Hey, screw that; how about making one for us single, straight women out here? I can use all the help I can get.

Just in time for prom

As if you needed another reason to love Brooklyn:

Paris Hilton's naked "corpse" could provide an invaluable service to students preparing for prom this season.

An interactive Public Service Announcement featuring the graphic display of a tiara-wearing, autopsied Paris Hilton with removable innards is designed to warn teenagers of the hazards of underage drinking. The display also features Tinkerbell, Hilton's forlorn pet Chihuahua with matching tiara, and debuts in the trendy Williamsburg, Brooklyn neighborhood where prom-goers frequently dine, courtesy of Capla Kesting Fine Art.

"Campaign to Rescue Women of Youth" featuring "The Paris Hilton Autopsy" offers a cadaveric nude Paris Hilton, laid out with twisted body and opened abdominal cavity on a coroner's table, while her cell phone remains in her grip. The 'unglamorous' display which includes support material from anti-drunk driving organizations counters "the disturbingly glamorized trend of Hollywood's 'girls gone wild'," according to gallery director, David Kesting.

Paris Hilton, arrested for a DUI last year, previously released a marginally effective PSA concerning drunk driving. This latest PSA includes a website by Capla Kesting, which offers high school educators an icebreaker for discussing drunk driving's consequences. Students are encouraged to take the virtual field trip at http://www.ParisHiltonAutopsy.com to view the making of the "Paris Hilton Autopsy" and compete for prizes by writing Paris Hilton's obituary.

What's more is that this sculpture/PSA is interactive in that Paris' innards are removable, allowing aspiring prom queens to see the effects of drunken driving "from a coroner's perspective."

Art. Public Service Announcement. Social commentary on The Evil That is Paris. Writing contest. What more do you want?

Brilliant.

Courtesy of the same gallery that brought you the Crowning Britney.

(Photo credit: Capla Kesting Fine Art)

Freaky Friday

Say hi to Gemini, the two-faced cat. No, really.



(Photo credit: Laurie Kell/courtesy photo)